Monday, July 27, 2009
Dr. Buddy On Call
Dr. Buddy: I am pleased to announce that this past weekend I obtained my medical degree from the Brown Hound University of Medical Research. Just in time to be of help to Jan. As many of you are aware, Ms. Nimble Fingers managed to shove 2 wooden floor splinters under one fingernail, only one of which she was able to remove Saturday morning. Because of this, JFF has been posting updates through one-and-a-half pawed Percy, who has been having phantom sympathy paw pain.
Percy: Pssst. Slow down. I'm still typing with one and a half paws.
Dr. Buddy: Okay. One of the reasons I took the accelerated course was so I could be the one to do brain surgery on our Jan.
Cotton: Brain surgery? She had a splinter under a nail.
Dr. Buddy: Yes, I am aware of that, Cotton. But pain affects the human brain, so brain surgery was definitely called for. I was so looking forward to getting a glimpse of how Jan's brain works. Or seeing if it does work.
Sam: Brain surgery was called for? You mean it isn't now?
Dr. Buddy: Yes, thanks to my eagle eyes and tremorless hands, Jan no longer requires brain surgery. At least not for a splinter. This afternoon I deftly removed the splinter with a pair of needlenose pliers.
Dr. Buddy: Oh, right. I am exaggerating just a tad. But the prognosis is good and my fee will be reasonable.
Cameron: Buddy, you can't charge Jan for taking out the splinter. She removed it herself.
Dr. Buddy: How am I ever going to get paying patients if you guys are going to be so negative? Remember, Jan just spent a lot of money that was set aside for something else.
Merci: Right. She just bought an area rug and a couple of large mats to try to cover some parts of the floor that splinter so we woofies won't suffer with splinters too.
Rusty: Yeah, so we need to help get Buddy's medical practice off on a positive note.
Cyndi: But Buddy can't exaggerate. That would be lying.
Dr. Buddy: I wouldn't be lying if I say I snoopervised the splinter's removal.
Sam: That's true. You did snoopervise.
Cotton: I thought Buddy slept through the operation?
Percy: He did, at Jan's feet, with one eye open. Now please stop trying to all talk at once!
Dr. Buddy: Well, I think my first medical case has come to a satisfactory conclusion. Now, on to the next. Percy, let me take a look at your injured paw.
Percy: Noooooooo way. It's phantom sympathy pain, Buddy. I only think it hurts. And now that Jan's finger is on the mend, my paw is too.
Dr. Buddy: Well, if you won't let me examine your paw, can I at least operate on your brain?
(s) Crystal, Cotton, Merci, Cyndi, Percy, Cameron, Buddy, Rusty & Sam
PS from Jan: Why any landlord in the humid South would rent out a house with unsealed floors is beyond me! These are not the first splinters, but definitely the worst. Several hours after the injury on Saturday, I remembered my mother using a baking soda paste to draw out a bee stinger, so I tried it for a splinter and it did work. The splinter went very deep (I could see the path through the nail) so it took longer, but this afternoon I was relieved to find it had worked out just enough I was able to pull it out using tweezers -- very carefully. Thanks for all the nice messages and for the advice some of you emailed.