Chef Needed, Apply Now

The Funny Farm wants to hire a chef. We don't have any green papers, mind you, but working for the Funny Farm should look good on your resume.

Usually we don't mind that Jan is such a dunce in the kitchen. She has developed this habit of putting something on the stove and forgetting about it until the odor of burnt whatever fumigates the house. No, we don't mean permeates, we mean fumigates. But she has always been the one who has to eat what she's burned so it didn't bother us.

But because of Buddy's allergies and skin problems, Jan suddenly decided to cook for us dogs to give us something more than just dry kibble. She figured the recipe was so simple even she could make it.

She mixed the ingredients together in a large bowl according to directions. But how could all that fit in a loaf pan? A loaf of what? It must mean a dozen loaf pans. But never mind, she wasn't turning on the oven, it was too hot! So she dumped the whole mess in a 12" frypan. The lid just kind of sat on top of the mound like a too-small baseball cap.

And you guessed it, she walked off and forgot about it. But she didn't burn it, not this time.

A while later she went in to drain off the fat, but there wasn't any fat. Just a crisp crust on the buttom. She'd cooked off all the fat. But, hmmmm, it needed to be turned over. How? Well, isn't that what a pizza pan is for? Five minutes later, she successfully turned the huge mass over without breaking it and slid it back into the pan. Proud of herself, she glanced at the ingredient list: ground beef, tomatoes, corn meal, oats, 3 eggs --

Uh-oh, she forgot the eggs. And up to 2 cups water, as needed. Truthfully, she didn't forget the water. She just planned to add it after she drained off the fat. Oh, well, she cracked 3 eggs in a bowl and added water, beat them well and -- You guessed it. She poured it over the crisp crust (now on the top since she's flipped it over) and started mixing it in.

That's when we knew we need to hire a chef. Before she tries to cook anything else for us. We mean, just look at this .... this ..... what is it?



Percy started typing up an ad for a chef for us before the .... the .... finished cooking.

And then -- horrors -- she spooned some in our bowls and set them aside to cool. Oh, no, she was going to make us eat that .... that.... When it cooled, she tossed in some crunchies and set the bowls on the floor. We all turned our noses up and refused to eat!

Okay, we're pulling your paw. We ate every bite and licked our bowls clean.

So, we hope you'll forgive us, but we're rescinding our ad for a chef. We won't be hiring after all. We decided we'll keep Jan. At least until this .... this .... runs out.

Maybe she'll try cat food next. But the kitties are hoping she won't. Cats are finicky eaters.

(s) Buddy, Merci & Sam