Friday, August 31, 2018

Southern Dialect Goose

Marcus:  Honk, honk, honk -

Cyndi:  What's the matter, Marcus?  Do you have a cold?

Marcus:  No.  I'm practicing my honks.

Cyndi:  Oh, you're on the driving kick again and you're pretending to be a car horn?

Marcus:  Of course not.  All of you made fun of me when I insisted I can speak fluent goose.  (Late for a Recital ) You insisted geese honk and don't have a second language, so I'm practicing my honking to see if they understand me any better.  I doubt it, but I'm willing to try since we're going to have more geese than this arriving soon for the cold weather.

Cyndi:  You do know today is Flashback Friday and you honking does not constitute a flashback?

Marcus:  It's a flashback for me.  I'm remembering all those great conversations I've had with geese.

Cyndi:  And I'm remembering all the delusions you're posted about speaking geese ... er, goose.  You know, bird!    (Swiss Cheese TheoryMarcus Two StepMister I Speak GeeseA Honkless HolidayTranslating Goose to DogGiggle of Goose GaggleMarcus Speaks Geese.)

Marcus:  Hey, thanks for gathering our conversations together so I can go back and review them.  It will make it easier to compare results over time.  I'll be very surprised if they can understand me when I honk, but if I work on my accent, it should work.

Cyndi:  Of course, that's it!  You have to honk in the same dialect as the arriving geese and most of them don't speak with a Southern accent.

Marcus:  I'm glad you understand.  The rest of the Funny Farmers think I'm off my trolley.

Cyndi:  You speak geese with a Southern drawl.  What's not to understand?  **cough, cough**

Marcus:  Are you okay?  You haven't caught the cold I don't have, have you?

Cyndi:  No, no, I'm fine, just have a goose feather tickling my funny bone.

We are joining Flashback Friday.  To see other blog entries and/or to enter your own blog, visit the Five Sibes.

Percy:  And don't forget, we Funny Farmer Felines have another Mousebreath interview today.  You can read Gidget Bluesky and Honey Sunshine at Mousebreath.

And joining Feline Friday at Comedy Plus.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Temp Apts 4 Thru 7

Percy: This was temporary apartment 4.  It was compact (at least I couldn't get stuck inside it) and a bit higher than some of the former ones. It was light and airy, near food and water and had enough of a "yard" to have a small party.  A drawback was that it was too close to the noisy neighbors that drove me out of my favorite cabinet.

Welcome back to the saga of my search for a new apartment.  Last week I showed you Temporary Apartment 3.  This week I will do a fast tour of numbers 4 through 7.  Remember, I am a cat and apartment hunting is not unusual. 

I was relaxing when Jan entered the kitchen and yelled, "Get off my dish drainer!  It's reserved for clean dishes.

"I'm clean," I countered.

"But you're a CAT!"

So I moved onto a storage shelf.  Here I am surrounded by bags.  I'm not a plastic bag, so I moved upstairs to the next shelf.

Number 5 was a plastic-lined wicker basket.  It was okay, but not great.  When Hurricane Jan blew through and turned it upside down, I was forced to move next door to number 6.  I removed all her junk in the way (kicked to the floor) and was fairly comfortable there for a couple of days.  But then I discovered the penthouse apartment, otherwise known as number 7.  There was enough room for me to stretch.  (See my foot and tail sticking out. Click on photo to enlarge if you can't read it.)

This penthouse wicker basket was super comfy.  It had a big, soft cushion for me to relax on.  Yes, this was definitely where I wanted to live.  I didn't stick to the plastic liner and the privacy was to die for!

Until Jan found me.  "That basket is for pillows, not cat hair!  You need to move."

I could see her hesitate when I gave her my "Oh, yeah, make me!" look, but it didn't stop her.  She turned my apartment around so I couldn't access it.

Evicted again.  I would be embarrassed to be homeless, but I didn't live to become a senior mancat by giving up.  I will win!

And by the way, I should have peed on her dish drainer while I had the chance.

We are participating in Happy Tuesday blog hop.  Stop by Comedy Plus to see other posts or to join the fun.

Today is also Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day and we would like to take a moment to remember all the Funny Farmers we've lost since we began blogging: Jenny, Crystal, Cotton, Grayce, Cameron, Sam, Buddy & Merci. (Again, you can click on the picture to enlarge it.)

We all miss each of you and are the better for having known you.  Note: Micah and Percy will most likely not be saying that when one of them goes, but who knows - they might become friends before then!  :)

Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day was founded by Deb Barnes of Zee and Zoey’s Cat Chronicles, author of Purr Prints of the Heart.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Cat Tree Prison

Taylor:  Hey, that's angel Buddy.  It's so nice to see him but what was he doing in prison?

Rusty:  He wasn't in prison.  He was trying to lay claim to our cat tree after Jan put it together.  (CSN Cat Tree)  I'm surprised he didn't climb it. Of course, he would have if there had been food at the top.

Taylor:  Buddy must have been a lot of fun when he was young.  I didn't meet him until he was old.

Rusty:  He kept us laughing and Jan busy. 

Taylor:  What was he like?

Rusty:  He was always into something.  Or on top of something.  Outside he was all hound, but in the house he thought he was just one of us cats.

Taylor:  I wish I could have known him back then.

Rusty:  You can.  Sort of.

Taylor:  But he's gone.

Rusty:  Not in memory.  Marcus is a different version of the younger Buddy.  Buddy's bark was loud, although he sounded more like a seal than a hound.  And he howled!  At sirens.  At the television.  At the answering machine and even at a ringing telephone.  

Taylor:  You mean Marcus isn't the noisiest dog you've ever met?

Rusty:  No, not the noisiest, but his high screeching is definitely the most annoying.

Taylor: Do you think Marcus, like Buddy, will get quieter with age?

Rusty:  Oh, I hope so!  My ears certainly hope so!

We are joining Flashback Friday.  To see other blog entries and.or to enter your own blog, visit the Five Sibes.

And since we have posted a flashback of the cat tree that Buddy grew in our house (well, his tree could flower), we are joining LLB in Our Backyard's Flower Friday

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Temporary Apartment Three

Percy:  After I turned in the key to my Temporary Apartment Two in the cabinet behind the large bowls, I found a somewhat smaller kitchen apartment nearby. 

I found I could leap to the second shelf of the microwave stand and crawl onto a plastic drawer container. 

You can't miss me.  I'm the big black blob between the drawer and the shelf in the photo..

It was a nice apartment, close to food and water, and just a hairbreadth nearer to the feline pee and poop boxes.  I'm a senior guy. Things like that are important.

The old neighbors were just a few feet away, but those few feet and the shelf over my head meant the neighborhood was just a teeny bit quieter.  

It was a bit of a squeeze but it was close to a window where I had a beautiful view of the muddy dog pen.

I told Jan I would be so happy here if I could roll over on occasion, or even have an occasional guest in for a niptini or three.  She could get rid of the microwave and remove the shelf it rests on.   Then I would even have room to stand up and move around between naps.

Jan leaned down to look me in the eye (or she tried; it was quite dark under there) and evicted me.  "Get out of there!"

I know when I am not wanted and I am a very obedient guy.  I got out of there!

Well, I tried.  I was stuck. 

I think moving out of that cubbyhole was one of the best decisions I've ever made!

We are participating in Happy Tuesday blog hop.  Stop by Comedy Plus to see other posts or to join the fun.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Marcus the Hero

Marcus:  As you all know, I am very dignified and sober.  So imagine my surprise a couple of Saturdays ago when there was a loud disturbance in the house. To the best of my recollection, it went something like this.

Marcus:  Jan, get off the phone. Quickly!  There's a strange noise.  I think we have a gas leak.

Jan:  Oh, my brave boy.  We'll all go outside and I'll call for help right away.

Marcus:  Follow me.  I'll lead you all to safely.  Cyndi, what's so funny?

Cyndi:  You are.  That is most certainly NOT what happened.

Marcus:  It's the way I remember it.

Cyndi: It's the way you want to remember it.  I saw the whole thing.  Jan was on the phone talking to Mr. Doug. You ran to Jan and tried to get her attention.

Marcus:  It was the noise.  It was very loud and it wouldn't stop.

Cyndi:  Yes, it was loud.  Even Mr. Doug heard it.  He asked Jan, "Is that what I think it is?"  And they both started laughing.  You were so scared you tried to climb on Jan's lap.

Marcus:  I was trying to protect her.  I was sure we had a gas leak.

Cyndi:  We didn't.  You did!  You! That's why they were laughing..

Marcus:  I never! 

Cyndi:  You certainly did.  It wasn't your fault, though.  If you remember, Jan put you on that new vitamin powder.  She was supposed to double the dose for the first two weeks, but after only two days, you scared yourself so silly, she cut you back to the regular dose.

Marcus:  Sunday morning my insides were singing, gurgling, whistling, swishing and just generally whooping it up. 

Cyndi:  We all heard it.  The band was playing at full volume but not in tune.

Marcus:  That was the end of the problem.  I don't like your version, though.  I prefer  mine.

Cyndi:  Of course you do. Not every dog gets to be a -

Marcus:  If you say "stinker", I'll tell Jan who knocked the glass off the washer.

Cyndi:  Hero.  I was going to say "hero".

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Temporary Apartment Two

Percy:  It's so dark in here the picture was black.  Jan had to lighten it. Where do you think I am?

If you remember, I've been apartment hunting (Temporary Apartment One) and I promised to show you some of my favorite potential living quarters.   

You probably can guess where I am by the bowls.  Yes, I am in a kitchen cabinet.  

I  thought this one had so much potential, I spent several nice days here, but the upstairs neighbors were annoying  Coming and going at all hours.  And the noise!  Thump, thump, crunch, crunch, slurp, slurp, thud! 

It's the small cabinet next to the washing machine where our food and water bowls sit.   My feline siblings leap up and down on the metal washer, have a snack, drink water, complain about the heat -   The thud?  Cyndi can't see and sometimes naps too close to the edge and falls off. 

That wakes her!  It also wakes me.  So I moved. 

I kept the key just in case the neighborhood improves, but then Marcus decided he's just a big cat at heart (The Intruder).  His weight could make the old cabinet roof collapse.

I turned in my key. 

Friday, August 10, 2018

Funny Farm Hotel

Rusty:  Meet Puppy.  Yes, Puppy.  That's his name.  And he's the third guest to stay at the Funny Farm Hotel in less than a year.

Marcus:  I'm going to have to start charging for the use of my spare crate.

Rusty:  You do and you'll have to start paying Jan for digging it out, setting it up and breaking it down.

Marcus:  What about a tip jar in a corner?

Rusty: Puppy was a pretty cool guy.  Quiet, polite.  Nothing like you Marcus.  He never screeched once!  In fact, when we met at the back door, he lowered his head and I head-bonked and rubbed against him.  Not a good picture but Jan loves the memory.

Marcus:  I thought Jan said I was her last puppy.

Rusty:  You were, but a neighbor found Puppy at his back door Tuesday.  Puppy ate all the cats' food outside and went to sleep.  There was thunder and lightning from an approaching storm and the neighbor was afraid the pup would end up in the road hit by a car, so he called Jan.

Marcus:  Jan prepared his room and I gave him the house rules.  #1 - I am in charge!

Rusty:  I dare you to say that to Jan.

Marcus:  There's no need to mention that to her.

Rusty:  Jan took a couple of pictures and posted them to facebook.  Lots of helpful people shared her post and at 10:00 pm, she received a message from Puppy's owner.  He had gotten out that morning and wandered off.  

Marcus:  Jan played musical crates again.  Me in my room, Puppy with the run of the house for a while.  Then we'd switch.   He liked his room.  As you can see, the door is open here.  He went in on his own.

Rusty:  He was so neat.  When he peed his training pad, he'd fold it over and then wad it up.  Most of the time he went outside, though.

Marcus:  His owner had to work till 8:00 pm Wednesday, so Jan took advantage and spent time sitting out on the porch cuddling Puppy.  He had never worn a collar or been on a leash before but he did well.  Jan said good-bye to him at 9:30.  She enjoyed having him here for a day and a half, but she was glad he was able to return home to his family.  

Rusty:  When Jan asked the pup's name, she was told, "My daughter just calls him Puppy."  Although we had never met this neighbor, we did mention her house in our post Strange Plumbing Problems.  Life is full of humor. 

Percy:  We Funny Farmer Felines have a new interview for you this week.  Cleo from Peeballs and Poopblogs.  (Blog was named by her angel brother Orbit, not sweet Cleo.)

  Stop by Mousebreath to meet Cuddly Cleo.

Tuesday, August 07, 2018

Temporary Apartment One

Percy:  If you remember, last Tuesday I mentioned I'm apartment hunting and showed you my latest choice. (Percy and Drake the Akita)  Jan then blocked the entry so I couldn't return.

I moved into the apartment next door to it.  Jan blocked that one too.  She claimed the shelves are old and rickety and I was knocking too many things to the floor.  My consolation is she piled so many items on both ends of that shelf to keep me off, she can barely dig out a comb without knocking things to the floor.

I am currently living in the bathroom, just waiting for one of those areas to be cleared so I can move back. While I'm waiting, I thought I would show you the first apartment I liked but eventually rejected.

As you can tell, I am up high.  (We have a high ceiling and that's the enclosed porch ceiling at the top of this picture.)  I love a penthouse view. 

See how happy I was!  Alone at last.

Something I really loved about it was that is was behind the bathroom door.  I love doors!  (Umm, Jan, you really need to climb up here and dust.)    It's such fun to lie on top of a door and nap.  So far I haven't fallen.

This soon became an undesirable spot, as Jan was continually invading my space looking for something stored on the shelves under me.  A mancat needs some privacy!  Jan needs to learn to knock.

For your information:  Vicat has posted a very important warning to keep cherry stems and pits from your cats.  Please take a moment to read I Didn't Know.   So many do not know this (we didn't until we read the original mention on Facebook) and you don't want your cat to get cyanotic toxicity!

Here is more information on Cherry Poisoning.  Toxic to cats, dogs, and horses. 

Friday, August 03, 2018

The Intruder

Marcus:  Hey, Cyndi, I heard there was an intruder Tuesday night.  What's the story? 

Cyndi:  We had a huuuuuuge, gigantic cat get into the house and it ate over two bowls of our cat food before Jan chased it away.

Marcus:  I hadn't heard.  That must have been scary.

Cyndi:  It was.  I'm blind, but I knew there was something reallllly big beside me on the washing machine where our food and water are kept.

Marcus:  How did it get up that high?

Cyndi:  It must have jumped.  Or perhaps it used the steps Jan put there for me to get up and down.  A short step and a high stool.

Marcus:  It's lucky I missed it or I would have torn it limb from limb.

Cyndi:  Don't brag.  You would have run for your crate and closed the door.

Marcus:  How did it manage to eat three bowls of your food?  I would think Jan would have figured there was a problem by the second bowl.

Cyndi:  She was a bit confused.  Our bowl was empty.  She filled it.  It was empty again.  She wondered why we were so hungry and licked up every crumb, but filled it a third time.  And then -

Marcus:  And then what happened?

Cyndi:  It was late at night.  Jan walked into the kitchen without turning on the light, but the the room behind her was lit .  She was thoroughly shocked to see the looming shape of a giant cat on top of our washer munching away.

Marcus:  Did she run?

Cyndi:  No, but it jumped down and ran away.  As it raced past her, Jan let out one loud and frightening shriek -


Marcus:  I still don't understand why Jan blamed me.

Cyndi:  The next time you want to play innocent, wipe the crumbs off your face first.

Taylor:  We interviewed another cat this week.  There were two - Emma and Buster - but only Buster responded.

Percy:  Cat got Emma's tongue?

Taylor:  Guess so.

Percy:  You can read Emma and Buster the Posey Cat at Mousebreath.