Friday, June 15, 2018

Mini Bear in Icing

Cyndi:  Hey, Marcus, have you seen our recent house guest in icing yet?

Marcus:  I don't remember having a house guest in icing.  Is that a new fashion?

Cyndi:  No, silly, it's a cake a new member brought to the local Humane Society meeting Tuesday.  Actually, it's a cupcake cake.

Marcus:  I never heard of a cupcake cake.  Is it made of cake or cupcake batter?

Cyndi:   It's made from cupcakes and icing in whatever shape a customer wants. Jan thought it resembled Bear and took some pictures. 

Marcus:  Hey, that does resemble her somewhat, but it's hard to tell for sure.

Cyndi:  How can you say it might?  It looks like her!

Marcus:  It's hard to tell since the closest look I had of her was when she was on her back pummeling me on the nose for being polite.  (The Mini Bear)

Cyndi:  You're several times her size and you were trying to sniff her butt.  What did you expect?

Marcus: It was a misunderstanding. 

Cyndi:  Yes, it was.  I hope you learned a lesson.

Marcus:  What lesson?

Cyndi:  Never underestimate the ingenuity of a female!  You'll get kicked in the nose every time.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The Mini Bear

Merci:  Meet Bear.  Seriously, this is Bear the chihuahua mix.  She - yes, she!  (You have probably already guessed that Bear the female chihuahua was named by a guy.)  She stayed with us June 1 - 5.

Percy:  She was so quiet we hardly knew she was here at first, but the next day (Saturday) Jan and her friend Miss Teresa took Bear to visit her human at the nursing home, and Bear came back with ATTITUDE and a voice.

Merci:  When she was suddenly taken from her home and left here, she thought she was abandoned.  When Miss Teresa returned the next day and Bear spent time with her human, Bear changed from fearful to happy and hopeful.  Also, Bossy.

Percy:  Jan says if Bear were her dog, she'd rename Bear "Hope". She looks like a Hope, doesn't she!

Merci:  She loved to go outside and patrol the dog pen.  She'd walk back and forth, stand up for a better look in the neighbor's yard, resume patrol, sit in the shade where she had a panoramic view, resume patrol, say it was time to go in, take a leap onto the first step and bounce up the rest.

Marcus:  She did not like being crated.  Jan gave her the larger crate so she wouldn't feel cramped and she hated it.  I'm the bigger dog.  I should have had the larger crate.  But no, the mini bear got it!

Percy:  Jan let her have it so you wouldn't argue over her being in your crate.  When Cricket was here last year (Cricket Goes Home) , you didn't stop complaining about having to move out of your crate so she could have the smaller one.

Merci:  She had picked out a corner behind the desk Friday and Jan had blocked it with a gate so she could relax in private.   Then Jan blocked it with a keep her out with us, either in the crate or loose in the house, but not hiding in a corner. 

Marcus:  But after Bear returned Saturday, she figured out how to get back to "her" corner.  While Jan sat here at the computer, Bear accessed the bottom desk shelf from the open side and pushed things out the front for a private entrance.

Percy:  As hyper and noisy as Marcus is, he was a very good boy for the duration. Jan would let Bear out of the crate and when Bear went back in on her own, Jan would lock it and let Marcus out of his.  Jan claims playing musical crates and outside patrol is w-o-r-k!

Merci:  She also claims Bear and Marcus took about five years off her life when they accidentally met one day at the kitchen door.  Jan heard terrified screams, turned around in time to see Bear turn and run with Marcus right behind her.  Jan caught up to them on the enclosed porch.  Bear was on her back ...  Actually, Marcus should tell what happened.

Marcus:  Bear hasn't been around other dogs and obviously didn't know proper canine etiquette because she was just plain RUDE!  I was following Jan into the kitchen when Bear, who was supposed to be sleeping in her corner, suddenly tried to pass me.  Being the polite guy I am, I started to say hello - the canine way by sniffing her butt.  She started screaming, "He's trying to kill me!" and the chubby little mini bear took off running, screeching like I really was killing her.

Percy:  Jan caught up to them and nearly laughed.  Bear was on her back with all four feet pumping like she was riding a bicycle, screeching like Marcus actually was killing her.  Marcus was standing over her trying to ... er, be polite.

Marcus:  Yes, I was being polite trying to sniff her butt but as I said she was RUDE!  Aside from her shrieking in my ears, she was kicking me on the nose with those pumping feet!

Merci:  Jan took Marcus back to his crate and gave him a treat to let him know he wasn't in trouble.   Then she turned to go check on Bear, just as Bear came sauntering through the doorway as if nothing had happened.  Yep, Bear definitely had attitude.  

Percy:  That Tuesday Bear's owner went home and so did Bear.

Marcus:  She wasn't a bad house guest, but she needs someone to explain the facts of canine etiquette - never kick a gentleman in the nose for saying hello!. 

Friday, June 08, 2018

Fractured Paw Award Returns

Taylor:  I'm feeling a bit upside down discombootalated.  Could you explain that again?

Merci:  I think you mean discombobulated, bit it makes perfect sense, if you think about it.

Percy:  Yes, We had Jan make this award for our blog back in 2014.  She didn't know we intended to present it to her.  The time has come to bring this award out of retirement.

Marcus:  And you're going to present it to her again?  Her birthday is coming up later this month.  Couldn't we give her flowers instead?

Cyndi:  We could if we had some cash.  This won't cost us anything.

Taylor:  I still don't understand why we would give her a klutz award.

Micah:  To reward her for all those exciting flights and crash landings she's become famous for, not to mention extra chuckles such as the underhanded ball playing that resulted in Jan's finger colliding with Marcus's teeth.

Rusty:  I agree she's is a good source for our humor material.  She does deserve recognition for creative accidents.

Taylor:  What did she do this time?

Micah:  Surely you heard her scream and saw her almost go headfirst down the porch steps Wednesday?

Taylor:  The neighborhood probably heard her,  But what caused that?

Marcus:  It was't me!  I had nothing to do with it!  I wasn't even outside at the time.

Rusty:  We know that, Marcus.  But I'm curious too.  What happened?

Cyndi:  I saw it from the window.  Jan grabbed the railing as she bopped down the steps.

Taylor:  So?

Merci:  So Jan didn't just grab the railing;  she grabbed a wasp on the railing and it stung her finger - twice!

Percy:  Evidently, not only was the pain worse than when she was stung in the arm last year while she was trimming bushes, but when the pain eased, the fingers on that hand itched so fiercely, she couldn't stop scratching for quite a while.

Rusty:  I must have been napping then.  I only knew about the angry wasp that went after her when she tried to let it outside and she whacked it head-on with the glass door.

Taylor:  I think we should present the award to the poor wasps instead of Jan.

Cyndi:  What? Why?

Taylor:  When the branch snapped last year, Jan accidentally hit one so hard with her arm she killed it, though not before it stung her.  For all we know the one on the railing was crushed, even though it managed to sting her twice.  And she cold-cocked another with a door.   Which do you think deserves the award the most - Jan, or the wasps?

This award was first presented to Jan in Fractured Paw Award.  And subsequently in Fractured Musings and two other posts. 

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Strange Plumbing Problems

Micah:  Do you think anyone has missed us?

Rusty:  Everyone is so busy very few have probably noticed we've been gone.

Micah:  We're not exactly back yet, but we've had this post half ready to go for several weeks now.

Rusty:  We figure since we can always use a laugh, you might need one too.  Besides, we can never resist telling a story on Jan. 

Knock on door.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?
Jan:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

(Note:  We did have a plumbing problem, but our landlord sent someone to fix it two days earlier while Mr. Doug was here working on our computer that Win 10 trashed by putting it into permanent hibernation.)

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones (not his real name).

Jan:  Who's he?

Stranger:  **points to a company van parked on our side street**  From the plumbing company.

Jan:  Who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other a few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones.

Jan:  Who is he?

Stranger:  The plumber.

Jan:  But who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other another few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you ... Wait!  What STREET do you want? 

Stranger:  ** names our house number but side street**

Jan:  **points up the road**  You want that house over there.

Stranger almost ran to truck and the vehicle moved up the street.  Stranger sprinted up the steps.  We could just imagine what happened.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?

Tenant:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

But this time he had the right house!