Saturday, June 30, 2018

Farewell Merci


Fly free, sweet Merci.  It was such a joy to have you with us for so many years - just one month short of 15.  Yes, you were adopted from the local animal shelter at about age two on July 22, 2003.

Thanks to Mr. Doug, you are now buried near your adopted canine brothers Sam and Buddy.  And you are missed! 

Friday, June 29, 2018

Wide Awake and Confused

Taylor: Whatcha looking for, Marcus?

Marcus: Our blog posts. The ones that aren't getting written. I figure they must be buried under my ball since they aren't on our blog.

Taylor:  Don't worry.  They will be.  It's just that things have been so hectic around here for so long and now every time Jan turns on the computer, we get a storm and have to shut down again.

Marcus: Today's storm was a doozy, but at least we were able to be back online.  Almost took off our back screen door when Jan was carrying Rusty inside. And the lightning sure hit something close by.

Taylor:  When are we going to finish posting the last of our Mousebreath interviews? 

Marcus:  As soon as we can get a block of time to post them.  Those poor bloggers have been waiting since the end of February.

Taylor:  Well, we'd better get to them soon or those bloggers are going to think we absconded with their money.

Marcus:  We get money to do those interviews?  Nobody ever told me that! 

Taylor:  I was kidding.  We were doing it as a labor of love to showcase the diverse talents of our blogging friends. 

Marcus:  We did a fun interview with Spider and Gracie (Presenting Spider and Gracie) in February.  They were planning to start a blog in May, but on May 6 Spider left for the bridge.  She would have been 20 years old on Wednesday, June 27. 

Taylor:  Now we'll never get to read their blog.  I always enjoyed reading their questions to Ask Max on Mousebreath and couldn't wait for the blog opening.  I'll miss Spider.

Marcus:  Gracie and her Food Lady miss her too.  I wonder if I'll have as much vim and vinegar as she did when I'm 20 years old.

Taylor:  I hope you mean vim and vigor, not vinegar.

Marcus:  I guess I do.  I got sidetracked.   The police stopped a car across the street a bit ago.  The car was just loaded on a tow truck.  The guy was handcuffed and put in the back of one of the police cars. 

Taylor:  And you didn't tell me?  I would have liked to see that too.

Marcus:  I didn't want to interrupt your typing. 

Taylor:  Did we cover everything we wanted to today?

Marcus:  Actually, I thought we should acknowledge how much better we furries are at counting than humans are. 

Taylor:  Of course.  But why do you say that?

Marcus:  When we posted Jan's age (Half of Ten Centuries), many assumed Jan to be 50, but half of ONE century is 50.  Half of TEN centuries is 500. 

Taylor:   These humans need to be wide-awake when they read our posts, but it's such fun to confuse them. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Half of Ten Centuries

Cyndi:  Well, here we are again trying to come up with a post at the last minute.  Must be the heat and humidity fogging our brains.

Micah:  My brain isn't fogging, it's snoring.

Cyndi:  I thought it is Jan's brain that's snoring. 

Micah:  Perhaps.  Or fogging.  Whichever. It doesn't take much to confuse her as to which day it is any more!

Cyndi:  No, but after last week with the internet problems, it's no wonder she has a foggy, snoring brain.

Micah:  Right.  Jan called our isp (internet service provider) on Monday about our wading through molasses internet speed.  It was so slow we published our Tuesday post Wednesday. ( Our Wednesday Tuesday Post ) We didn't know if they fixed it or not because on Tuesday the green high speed cord came apart and Jan had to call again. 

Cyndi:  At least we had some internet speed when she plugged in our old white phone cord.  But was it fixed on Wednesday as promised?  We had no way to tell until we got a new green cord.

Micah:  She was surprised when she got an automated call just after 5 pm on Friday telling her someone would be here the next morning between 8 am and noon.  "Press 1 if you are still having problems."  Jan almost followed instructions, but she missed the 1 and disconnected the call.

Cyndi:  She went into a panic and immediately called the company.  "Don't worry,:" she was told.  I see your appointment was changed from Monday to Saturday between 8 am and 7 pm."  (What Monday appointment?  And the phone robot had said between 8 am and noon.)

Micah:  Jan was reassured someone would show up the next morning.  She hung up, glanced out the window and there was a company tech approaching our porch.  "Is it Saturday already?" she asked.  "No, I finished early and your ticket was pulled."

Cyndi:  Two hours later we had a new green cord and our internet was bouncing along at the proper speed. 

Micah:  Jan thanked the nice tech for not showing up the following Monday (yesterday) so he could keep the Saturday appointment last Friday.

Cyndi:  And then she was thoroughly confused as to which day is which.  But it's all sorted out now because today is a familiar day.  It's her birthday.

Micah:  I forge. How old Jan is today?

Cyndi:  I'm not sure.  I think she's half of ten centuries. 

Micah:  Oh, she's not as old as I thought.  She still has a few good years left. 

Cyndi:  Did you get her anything special?

Micah:  I've been lying here thinking she'd probably love to have a fresh caught mouse, but I haven't ever seen a mouse here.

Cyndi:  Neither have I, but I've heard you can order anything on Amazon.

Friday, June 22, 2018

Afraid of a Tree Joke

Marcus:  Well, I guess it's just you and me today, Merci.  The rest of the crew are sacked out in this heat and humidity.

Merci:  I'm just waking from a nap and can't think of a thing to post.  What about you?

Marcus:  No, I can't think of a thing either. 

Merci:  I know!  We can post a joke.  Do you know a joke?

Marcus:  No.  Wait, I do know one.  Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Merci:  I don't know.  Perhaps it got stuck in a tree once and had to be rescued by the fire department.  That would make me afraid of a tree.

Marcus:  Let me know when you start climbing a tree.  I want a video!

Merci:  So why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Marcus:  Because of the bark.

Merci: Because of the bark?  Were you hiding behind the tree?  You bark like a crazy dog and I'd sure be scared of a tree if I thought it barked like you.

Marcus:   I'm insulted.  I am the quietest, best-behaved pup you've ever met. 

Merci:  In your dreams!  And speaking of dreams, it's time for me to finish the one I was having before you woke me for this post. 

Marcus:  A good dream?

Merci:  The best! The cats and I had peace and quiet for two whole days.  It was wonderful.

Marcus:  Two days of quiet.  How did that happen?

Merci:  You had laryngitis.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Our Wednesday Tuesday Post

Micah:  I'm so glad we are finally able to post.  I was afraid we were not going to make it for our Tuesday post.  But -

Rusty:  We didn't make it for our Tuesday post.  This is Wednesday.  Yesterday was Tuesday.

Micah:  Are you sure?  We're supposed to post on Tuesday.

Rusty:  I'm sure.  We were going to post but we've had internet problems again since last Friday and haven't been able to sign in, post comments or sometimes send email. 

Micah:  Oh, that's right.  Jan called our ISP Monday and they "fixed" it from their end but our speed was still so slow it was practically running backward much of the time and we couldn't hold a connection long enough to say hello, let alone write a post.

Rusty: It's supposed to be fixed today; however, yesterday the green high speed DSL cable came apart and Jan had to call back to ask for a replacement.  She was told to use the pre-high speed cable until it arrives.  So here we are typing on our blog using a regular old jack to DSL cable and, although our high speed is still on vacation, our internet is working.

Micah:  In that case, we can write our post.

Rusty:  Actually, we can't.

Micah:  But our DSL is semi-working.

Rusty:  Jan was very specific.  We can post on Tuesday and Friday.  This is Wednesday.  We can't post.

Micah:  Seriously?

Rusty:  Yes.

Micah:  **sigh**  In that case, we have no post for today since this is tomorrow instead of yesterday. 

Friday, June 15, 2018

Mini Bear in Icing

Cyndi:  Hey, Marcus, have you seen our recent house guest in icing yet?

Marcus:  I don't remember having a house guest in icing.  Is that a new fashion?

Cyndi:  No, silly, it's a cake a new member brought to the local Humane Society meeting Tuesday.  Actually, it's a cupcake cake.

Marcus:  I never heard of a cupcake cake.  Is it made of cake or cupcake batter?

Cyndi:   It's made from cupcakes and icing in whatever shape a customer wants. Jan thought it resembled Bear and took some pictures. 

Marcus:  Hey, that does resemble her somewhat, but it's hard to tell for sure.

Cyndi:  How can you say it might?  It looks like her!

Marcus:  It's hard to tell since the closest look I had of her was when she was on her back pummeling me on the nose for being polite.  (The Mini Bear)

Cyndi:  You're several times her size and you were trying to sniff her butt.  What did you expect?

Marcus: It was a misunderstanding. 

Cyndi:  Yes, it was.  I hope you learned a lesson.

Marcus:  What lesson?

Cyndi:  Never underestimate the ingenuity of a female!  You'll get kicked in the nose every time.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The Mini Bear

Merci:  Meet Bear.  Seriously, this is Bear the chihuahua mix.  She - yes, she!  (You have probably already guessed that Bear the female chihuahua was named by a guy.)  She stayed with us June 1 - 5.

Percy:  She was so quiet we hardly knew she was here at first, but the next day (Saturday) Jan and her friend Miss Teresa took Bear to visit her human at the nursing home, and Bear came back with ATTITUDE and a voice.

Merci:  When she was suddenly taken from her home and left here, she thought she was abandoned.  When Miss Teresa returned the next day and Bear spent time with her human, Bear changed from fearful to happy and hopeful.  Also, Bossy.

Percy:  Jan says if Bear were her dog, she'd rename Bear "Hope". She looks like a Hope, doesn't she!

Merci:  She loved to go outside and patrol the dog pen.  She'd walk back and forth, stand up for a better look in the neighbor's yard, resume patrol, sit in the shade where she had a panoramic view, resume patrol, say it was time to go in, take a leap onto the first step and bounce up the rest.

Marcus:  She did not like being crated.  Jan gave her the larger crate so she wouldn't feel cramped and she hated it.  I'm the bigger dog.  I should have had the larger crate.  But no, the mini bear got it!

Percy:  Jan let her have it so you wouldn't argue over her being in your crate.  When Cricket was here last year (Cricket Goes Home) , you didn't stop complaining about having to move out of your crate so she could have the smaller one.

Merci:  She had picked out a corner behind the desk Friday and Jan had blocked it with a gate so she could relax in private.   Then Jan blocked it with a keep her out with us, either in the crate or loose in the house, but not hiding in a corner. 

Marcus:  But after Bear returned Saturday, she figured out how to get back to "her" corner.  While Jan sat here at the computer, Bear accessed the bottom desk shelf from the open side and pushed things out the front for a private entrance.

Percy:  As hyper and noisy as Marcus is, he was a very good boy for the duration. Jan would let Bear out of the crate and when Bear went back in on her own, Jan would lock it and let Marcus out of his.  Jan claims playing musical crates and outside patrol is w-o-r-k!

Merci:  She also claims Bear and Marcus took about five years off her life when they accidentally met one day at the kitchen door.  Jan heard terrified screams, turned around in time to see Bear turn and run with Marcus right behind her.  Jan caught up to them on the enclosed porch.  Bear was on her back ...  Actually, Marcus should tell what happened.

Marcus:  Bear hasn't been around other dogs and obviously didn't know proper canine etiquette because she was just plain RUDE!  I was following Jan into the kitchen when Bear, who was supposed to be sleeping in her corner, suddenly tried to pass me.  Being the polite guy I am, I started to say hello - the canine way by sniffing her butt.  She started screaming, "He's trying to kill me!" and the chubby little mini bear took off running, screeching like I really was killing her.

Percy:  Jan caught up to them and nearly laughed.  Bear was on her back with all four feet pumping like she was riding a bicycle, screeching like Marcus actually was killing her.  Marcus was standing over her trying to ... er, be polite.

Marcus:  Yes, I was being polite trying to sniff her butt but as I said she was RUDE!  Aside from her shrieking in my ears, she was kicking me on the nose with those pumping feet!

Merci:  Jan took Marcus back to his crate and gave him a treat to let him know he wasn't in trouble.   Then she turned to go check on Bear, just as Bear came sauntering through the doorway as if nothing had happened.  Yep, Bear definitely had attitude.  

Percy:  That Tuesday Bear's owner went home and so did Bear.

Marcus:  She wasn't a bad house guest, but she needs someone to explain the facts of canine etiquette - never kick a gentleman in the nose for saying hello!. 

Friday, June 08, 2018

Fractured Paw Award Returns

Taylor:  I'm feeling a bit upside down discombootalated.  Could you explain that again?

Merci:  I think you mean discombobulated, bit it makes perfect sense, if you think about it.

Percy:  Yes, We had Jan make this award for our blog back in 2014.  She didn't know we intended to present it to her.  The time has come to bring this award out of retirement.

Marcus:  And you're going to present it to her again?  Her birthday is coming up later this month.  Couldn't we give her flowers instead?

Cyndi:  We could if we had some cash.  This won't cost us anything.

Taylor:  I still don't understand why we would give her a klutz award.

Micah:  To reward her for all those exciting flights and crash landings she's become famous for, not to mention extra chuckles such as the underhanded ball playing that resulted in Jan's finger colliding with Marcus's teeth.

Rusty:  I agree she's is a good source for our humor material.  She does deserve recognition for creative accidents.

Taylor:  What did she do this time?

Micah:  Surely you heard her scream and saw her almost go headfirst down the porch steps Wednesday?

Taylor:  The neighborhood probably heard her,  But what caused that?

Marcus:  It was't me!  I had nothing to do with it!  I wasn't even outside at the time.

Rusty:  We know that, Marcus.  But I'm curious too.  What happened?

Cyndi:  I saw it from the window.  Jan grabbed the railing as she bopped down the steps.

Taylor:  So?

Merci:  So Jan didn't just grab the railing;  she grabbed a wasp on the railing and it stung her finger - twice!

Percy:  Evidently, not only was the pain worse than when she was stung in the arm last year while she was trimming bushes, but when the pain eased, the fingers on that hand itched so fiercely, she couldn't stop scratching for quite a while.

Rusty:  I must have been napping then.  I only knew about the angry wasp that went after her when she tried to let it outside and she whacked it head-on with the glass door.

Taylor:  I think we should present the award to the poor wasps instead of Jan.

Cyndi:  What? Why?

Taylor:  When the branch snapped last year, Jan accidentally hit one so hard with her arm she killed it, though not before it stung her.  For all we know the one on the railing was crushed, even though it managed to sting her twice.  And she cold-cocked another with a door.   Which do you think deserves the award the most - Jan, or the wasps?

This award was first presented to Jan in Fractured Paw Award.  And subsequently in Fractured Musings and two other posts. 

Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Strange Plumbing Problems

Micah:  Do you think anyone has missed us?

Rusty:  Everyone is so busy very few have probably noticed we've been gone.

Micah:  We're not exactly back yet, but we've had this post half ready to go for several weeks now.

Rusty:  We figure since we can always use a laugh, you might need one too.  Besides, we can never resist telling a story on Jan. 

Knock on door.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?
Jan:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

(Note:  We did have a plumbing problem, but our landlord sent someone to fix it two days earlier while Mr. Doug was here working on our computer that Win 10 trashed by putting it into permanent hibernation.)

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones (not his real name).

Jan:  Who's he?

Stranger:  **points to a company van parked on our side street**  From the plumbing company.

Jan:  Who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other a few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones.

Jan:  Who is he?

Stranger:  The plumber.

Jan:  But who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other another few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you ... Wait!  What STREET do you want? 

Stranger:  ** names our house number but side street**

Jan:  **points up the road**  You want that house over there.

Stranger almost ran to truck and the vehicle moved up the street.  Stranger sprinted up the steps.  We could just imagine what happened.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?

Tenant:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

But this time he had the right house!