The FTWCA

Buddy:  What's wrong, Percy?  You look sad.

Percy:  I'm not sad.  I'm hungry and Jan won't let me have any of the treats in the bag until she's done with the photos.

Cyndi:  That's too bad, Percy.  You should file a complaint with the FTWCA.

Poor sad Percy.

Marcus:  What's the FTWCA?

Cameron:  It's the Feline Treat Withholding Correction Agency.\

Micah:  What can they do about Percy's lack of treats?

Sam:  They could force Jan to give us more.

Merci:  She wouldn't go to jail, would she?

Rusty:  Nah, not the first time.  If she cooperated, she'd just get a warning and a fine.

Marcus:  Oh, I'm so relieved.  I thought I was about to become homeless again.

Note:  This was written while Cameron was still with us, but overlooked and not published.  

Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites

SAM:  Hey, what are these?  We haven't had them before.

MARCUS:  That's because they're brand new.  They're Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites, small foot-shaped treats.  They're treats for humans to give their dogs when they walk their dogs or take them hiking. 

SAM:  Walking is good for all of us, including Jan.  Did anyone explain to her she is supposed to take us walking with these, not toss our treats in the dirt?

BUDDY:  She read the press release so she is aware this is not the way to do it, but she can't walk us all at one time and handle a camera too.

SAM:  So what flavor did you get, Buddy?

BUDDY:  I think she gave me beef.

MARCUS:  Bacon, this is definitely bacon flavor. 

MERCI:   I have chicken.  Jan, can I try some bacon too?

SAM:  These are supposed to be good for us.  Taurine for heart health, chicken cartilage,for natural glucosamine for our joints, and L-carnitine for weight control.

MERCI:  Perhaps you should have some extra, Sam.  You've gotten a little hefty. 

MERCI:  Sam, come back.  Is it something I said?

MARCUS:  I'm ready to try some beef or chicken treats, Jan.  When you take me walking this evening, are you going to take the Walkies Fit Bites with us? 

SAM:  Here, I'll help you with that, Rusty.

RUSTY:  Hey, that was mine!  I wanted to try one.  You stole my treat!

SAM:  But you're not a dog, Rusty.

BUDDY:  These treats are supposed to be healthy.  Jan has a problem with sugar being an ingredient in any pet product, but these don't have corn or wheat or soy and do have some good ingredients so she didn't hesitate to let us have them.

MERCI:  Ingredients listed begin with pork liver, pea flour, potatoes, dried whole eggs, glycerin, flax seed, sugar, chicken fat (preserved with mixed tocopherols and citric acid), barley flour, tapioca flour, beef, sweet potatoes, etc.

MARCUS:  Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites is on Facebook.  They are also on Twitter as @crazypet.  

SAM:  We all loved the treats, but will we have to walk in order to get seconds?

BUDDY:  What do you care?  We walk every day anyway.  Healthy treats are just an added bonus to a healthy exercise schedule.

NOTE:  We were not paid for this review.  Any opinions expressed are our own.  A sample bag of each flavor was provided for us to taste test. 

Country Club Versus Country Kitchen

Buddy says, "Da truf, da hole truf and nuttin but da truf!"

BUDDY:  The other day Jan asked Mr. Doug to give her a ride to the bank.  Then she asked if they could stop at Badcock Furniture so she could check out the store.  It was on the way.

CYNDI:  We're going to share it just the way Jan told the story to us.

Mr. Doug:  Are you sure it's on the way?

Jan:  Yes, it's just a block this side of the bank.  And then I won't have to hike into town to check them out.

CYNDI:  As they drove by where Jan thought it was supposed to be ...

Jan:  Oh, that's right, it was another furniture store there and it closed.  I wonder where Badcock is? 

Mr. Doug:  Maybe someone in the bank knows.

BUDDY:  Inside the bank, Jan asked a bank employee who was walking by if she knew where Badcock Furniture had moved.

Woman #1:  Yes, I do.  Do you know where the Country Club is?  It's right across the street.

Jan:  So if I go SOUTH, Badcock will be directly across the street from the Country Club?  Are you sure? 

Woman #1:  Yes, directly across the street.

CYNDI:  Mr. Doug was even more astounded at the directions than Jan was. Neither of them remembered any stores in that area SOUTH of town.

BUDDY:  Jan went to a teller to do her banking.  When she finished, Mr. Doug was talking to Woman #2 in Customer Service.

Woman #2:  Yes, it's right there.  You can't miss it.

Jan:  It's right where?

Woman #2:  Just head NORTH and Badcock is directly across from Country Kitchen.

Jan:  I'm sorry, are you saying Badcock is NORTH - across from Country Kitchen ... not the Country Club?

Woman #2:  *looks at Jan as if she's a bit lost*  Yes, you can't miss it.

CYNDI: We think this is payback for those times Jan has been asked directions.  She is notoriously bad at remembering names of streets.

BUDDY:  Yes, once she gave a guy directions by counting traffic lights before he should turn.  As he drove away, she hollered, "W-A-A-A-A-I-T!  I gave you walking directions.  Those are one-way streets!

UPDATE:  We've had several ask if Jan ever made it to Badcock Furniture, so we thought we would let you know.  Yes, she did.  Woman #2 gave the correct directions.

Merci's Purple FFHT

 PERCY:  Hey, Merci, what happened to you.  Your toes are purple on one paw. 

MERCI:  I know.  It's a long story.

PERCY:  I have time.

MERCI:  Well, I was sound asleep when all of a sudden my paw was stomped!  I opened my eyes and it was Marcus in one of his playful moods.  He knows he isn't supposed to roughhouse in the house, but he was leaping and barking and trying to get Sam to play.

PERCY:  But Sam doesn't like to play with Marcus.  Marcus plays rough.

MERCI:  Yes, Sam doesn't remember when he did the same to Buddy and me.  He's almost twice Marcus's size, so he played rough too.

PERCY:  So Marcus stomped your foot and that's why your toes are purple?  That wasn't a long story.

MERCI:  I wasn't finished.  I leaped to my feet to get out of Marcus's way and stepped on a cat ball with the same paw.

PERCY:  Ouch!

MERCI: I tried to limp around Marcus when Sam did a sudden spin and he stomped the same foot!  I thought someone had dropped a concrete block on my paw.

PERCY:  Wow, that would really hurt.

MERCI:  I wanted to get out of the way, so I limped to my bed in the bedroom where I lay down and tried to nurse my throbbing paw.

PERCY:  That's some big purple bruise.

MERCI:  Actually, the bruise doesn't show.  Jan wasn't watching where she was walking and she tripped over my bed, spilling grape juice on my painful paw.  And that's why my toes turned purple.

NOTE:  Now before anyone gets upset, this is Fractured Fryday Hairy Tales day and we needed a story to go with this month's phrase, " And that's why my toes turned purple."  So we made this up.  Merci is fine.  No woofie was injured in the writing of this story.  Since this is a house of accidents, though, we thought we should tell you that this one is not true.  :)

Fractured Fryday is hosted by Murphy and Stanley's blog.  The rules are under the FFHT tab.


RUSTY:  Well, now that we're done with fairy tales, let's get to a true story.

CYNDI:  This week we interview Lola and Lexy from the Lola the Rescued Cat blog.

MICAH:  Two lovely sisfurs who blog to bring attention to rescued pets.

PERCY:  Their story, Heart Singing Lola and Heart Melting Lexy, can be read exclusively at Mousebreath, the ezine for cats.


Join the Pet Parade blog hop hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky. 

Micah's Third Fourth or Fifth

BUDDY:  Happy birthday/Gotcha Day, Micah.  We are so glad you joined the Funny Farmers 3 years ago.

PERCY:  *mutters*  Well, some of us are and some of us aren't.

RUSTY:  What did you say, Percy?  You were mumbling and I didn't catch it.

PERCY:  I said, Of course we are.  And we're pleased to celebrate your assigned 4th or 5th birthday. 

SAM: I remember the day we first saw you.  You were obviously an indoor cat that someone abandoned.  You still prefer canned food to kibble.

MERCI:  You were so terrified you followed us on our walk even though we kept barking at you.  Then you spent the night inside the mill where you cut your foot.  You were so happy when Jan brought you home the next day. 

CYNDI:  We have always wondered if your owner died and someone just drove you to the mill and dumped you.

MARCUS:  That was before my time, but you're okay as a brother.  

MICAH:  Thank you, I am happy here.  But why do I feel like someone is watching me all the time?

MARCUS:  I have no idea.  You must be paranoid.

Hey, stop by Pepi Smart Dog's blog today.  He has the perfect solution for Jan to transport us around town.

Hey, thanks for the lovely cards!

 From WeBeesSiameezers.

And Love is being owned by a husky.

Stop by Pepi Smart Dog for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.  (There is always something to be thankful for!)

And stop by Ruckus the Eskie, Love is being owned by a husky, and Barking from the bayou for the Thoughtless Thursday blog hop. 

This, That And A Poop Scoop

MARCUS:  Here I am to give you a peek at what was in the package the kitties received from Kitty Bungalow, Charm School for Wayward Cats, through Summer.

RUSTY:  Hey, that's for us cats.  How come Marcus is doing the speaking instead of me?  I'm standing right here.

MARCUS:  You're on the wrong side of the footstool Jan is sitting on and no one can see you over there. 

PERCY:  But you're not a cat, Marcus.  Everything there is for cats. Except the small bottle of oatmeal dog shampoo and the purple t-shirt for Jan.

CYNDI:  There was a small tote bag autographed by a few actors in Catbaret.

MICAH:  Jan thinks the blue plastic litter scoop looks neat and she can't wait to try it.  I don't know about you but a human getting excited about a poop scoop seems a bit strange.

MARCUS:  It does?

Talk Like A Pirate 2015

MERCI:  Well, even with all the reminders - and Jan added it to her calendar! - we still almost missed Meow or Woof Like a Pirate Day.  But the Funny Farmer Furry Buccaneers are ready to sail.

MICAH:  We asked Jan to rework a couple of graphics we've used before.  It was sad to remove Cameron from this one.

SAM:  We've had a lot of fun with this over the years.  I guess every furry dreams of being a pirate.

PERCY:  We have posted this one a couple of times but we can only remember one - possibly two - humans noticing the non-furry.

MARCUS:  We changed the text this year.  First, we ran it through a pirate translator site to make certain our speech is authentic.  We can't afford to be cited for inappropriate speech!

BUDDY:  This is our Caturday Art blog hop picture.  The hop is hosted by Athena. We just loved those circles when we tried a halftone pattern in Photoshop Elements.

CYNDI:  After looking at this picture for a while, the room is starting to move in circles.  I think I'm dizzy.

RUSTY:  And our Sepia Saturday blog hop picture.  The hop is hosted by Ruckus the Eskie & Earl's World.

Pawesome Cats and Marcus

RUSTY:  Kit, kit, hooray!

CYNDI:  What's that? 

RUSTY:  It's a cheer.  I'm excited because it's Friday and time for us to do another Mousebreath interview.

CYNDI:  Yes, it is, but I thought you had a cramp in your back paw when you suddenly did a side kick and yelled.

MICAH:  We got to meet some cats that are so pawsome they had to add an extra "e" so everyone would know they're special (Pawesome Cats). 

PERCY:  We hope you will amble over to Mousebreath to read their story, Pawesome Felines Charlie, Amber, Max and Ava. 


MERCI:  Does anyone know why Jan is limping?

SAM:  Yes, Marcus.

MARCUS:  Wait a minute!  Why are you blaming me?

BUDDY:  Because when Jan called us inside at bedtime Wednesday, you suddenly whipped around and charged Sam.

MARCUS:  So why is Jan limping instead of Sam?

SAM:  Because you were standing right next to her, when you turned suddenly, bashed her in the shin with your head and then crashed head-first into the same spot.

MARCUS:  Yes I remember.  I thought she'd hit me with a cinder block.  Are you suggesting she was injured?

BUDDY:  I would think the piercing scream, despite the late hour, would give that away.

MERCI:  And the ice pack for the swelling and bruising you caused..

MARCUS:  Well, she gave me a headache.  And I still have some ringing in my ears.

BUDDY:  I would suggest the next time you swing your head away from Jan and hit her with your butt instead. But don't knock her out the door.  We need her opposable thumbs to open cans of food.


The Pet Parade blog hop is hosted by by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky.

The Rocking Swingathon

SAM:  Some of you might remember that back in February of 2011 we posted on Our New Recliner.

CYNDI:  The small swivel rocker recliner Jan bought second hand many years ago wore out and when she had an opportunity to replace it, she grabbed it.

MICAH:  She really wanted a swivel rocker recliner - a padded one, but was told when one was shipped she would most likely have to wrestle it from the truck and haul it across the lawn and up the steps and into the house.

MERCI:  By herself!  There wasn't anyone to help her unload and move it.  So she had to order a lightweight chair in vinyl.  She was disappointed it didn't rock (unless one of us jumped up on the back while she was reclining).

RUSTY:  It wasn't comfortable for her to sit because there was no real support for her legs and back when she sat down, so all she could do was recline.  And fall asleep.

PERCY:  She sure did want somewhere comfortable to sit ... and rock.  A few months ago she gave away her swivel recliner to make room for a swivel rocker recliner.  And then she waited.

BUDDY:  This month that type chair went on sale and last Thursday right after a meeting, she walked over and bought herself the large chair.  It was on sale for the regular price of the smaller chair.  And they delivered it within a couple of hours! 

MARCUS:  I never met the old rocker so I'll introduce you to the new one.

SAM:  Introduce?  The moment Jan sat down to take a picture, you popped up like a jack-in-the-chair.

MARCUS:  I'll pretend I didn't hear that.  This is burgundy.  I understand the other option was dark brown.   I would like it better if she had chosen the one that looked like dirt, but this will have to do. 

MARCUS:  So there you have it, folks, the grand tour of our new swivel rocker recliner.  You can pay with cash.  Sorry, we can't accept credit cards.

MERCI:  What are you babbling about, Marcus?  No one is going to pay you for giving a "guided tour" of a chair.

MARCUS:  They won't?  But humans charge for guided tours all the time.  This is discrimination!

Buddy:  This is a picture of our lawn mower.  A swing blade. We've had some storms lately and the grass has been growing out of control.  Jan just cut the whole lawn last Friday and over the weekend it went back to looking like an unkempt, long-haired, giant green hippy.

PERCY:  So imagine Jan's surprise when she realized that our neighbor across the street wasn't mowing his already neat lawn, but the hum of a lawn mower was from a very kind guy named John who lives in another part of the mill village.  He had loaded his lawn mower in the trunk of his car and come by to be a Christian brother.

RUSTY:  It's the second time he has done this and it is so greatly appreciated!  Jan was dreading another swingathon on the lawn.

Stop by Pepi Smart Dog for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.  (There is always something to be thankful for!)

And stop by Ruckus the Eskie, Love is being owned by a husky, and Barking from the bayou for the Thoughtless Thursday blog hop.

Under Seven Seconds

BUDDY: We are very proud of Marcus. Recently we posted how he destroyed a Walgreens ball in Less Than Two Seconds.

MERCI:  We aren't overrun with places to shop here, so Jan picked up a sturdier and more expensive one at Walmart and Marcus took such good care of it, that one lasted a lot longer.       

SAM:  Yeah, for less than seven seconds.  He likes to pick up his ball and carry it to the imaginary goal line.  That dog has some serious teeth! 

BUDDY:  Look at that tail going forty miles an hour.  He's so pleased with himself. 

MARCUS:  Hey, Jan, this ball isn't any good either.  Where's my elephant-proof soccer ball?

MERCI:  Marcus, you're not supposed to destroy your toys.  You're supposed to have fun with them.

MARCUS:  But I am having fun!

SAM:  You might as well give Jan what's left of this ball and ask for her to return your soccer ball.

MARCUS:  Oh, yes this is more like it.  Anyone want to play a quick game of canine soccer with me?

Cyndi Pulls A Marcus

CYNDI:  Hey, guys,  I want to look good in my modeling photo.  Is this my good side?

PERCY:  Hmm, I'm not sure.  It looks pretty much like the other side, but not exactly.  Did you get a job?

CYNDI:  No, Jan was taking pictures and I thought I would pull a Marcus and photobomb them.

RUSTY:  Oh, yeah, she was supposed to take some pictures for that cat food we are to taste test. 

CYNDI:  This is what shreds of chicken and small chunks of chicken liver look like in the can. 

MICAH:  It's Catswell Nutrisca Grain Free Truly Shredded Chicken and Chicken Liver Entree in Savory Broth.  Mmm, good.  It has no corn, wheat, soy, artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.

RUSTY:  Chicken broth, chicken, chicken liver are the first ingredients, along with sunflower oil and added vitamins, minerals and taurine.  Oh, and probiotics. 

PERCY:  It tastes good out of a bowl too. 

RUSTY:  I'm not big on shredded or chunky food, but this is pretty good.

PERCY:  Catswell Nutrisca Grain Free canned cat food is available in a variety of flavors.  We give the chicken and chicken liver four paws up.

Chewy.com provided the cat food for us to taste test, but we were not paid for this review, nor were we influenced in what to post.

Frankie and Ernie Snow Freak Chaos

BUDDY:  Our friends Frankie and Ernie have been offline (for the most part) while their typist lazed around for the summer

PERCY:  No, Buddy is kidding.  Their typist mom and their dad were actually working hard to downsize their possessions, pack up what's left, and move to Pencil Vane E Ah to be closer to family.

CYNDI:  We have been waiting for them to return to blogging.  We understand they moved Tuesday and today is supposed to be the big return day.

MERCI:  So we would like to ... uh, what's that?  Micah, do you see what I see?

MICAH:  Yes.  Guys, get your nose out of the goodies box. Listen to me!  R-U-N!

CYNDI:  Eeeeeeeeeek!  We're running!  Where do we go?

RUSTY:  Oh, no.  We heard a rumor that Frankie and Ernie's mom allowed some of her snow freaks to escape while she was packing them! 

CYNDI:  Frankie and Ernie are terrified of their mom's snow freaks.  They wreak havoc wherever they appear.  (The snow freaks, not Frankie and Ernie.)

PERCY:  Guys, behind you!  Look behind you!  We're being invaded.  R-U-N for your lives!

MARCUS:  *waves paw*  Hey, Percy.  Do you want to come outside to play with us?

RUSTY:  Turn around!  Snow freaks!  Snow freaks behind you.

SAM:  No, we're not snow freaks.  We don't like snow, remember?

MICAH:  You nincompoops, TURN AROUND!

MERCI:  Help!  Mrs. Frankie and Ernie's Mom, helllllllp! 

SAM:  Oh, no, they're in back of us and in front of us.  Where do we hide?

MERCI:  Cyndi, push the screen door open and let us in!

Whispers heard from a secret hiding place.

MICAH:  *low groan* Sam, get off of my paw.  You weigh a ton.

SAM:  Sorry, Micah.  Someone pushed me.

CYNDI:   Rusty, get your butt out of my face.  Your long fur tickles my nose.

BUDDY:   Will you all be quiet!  They'll hear us.

PERCY:   We're doing the best we can.  It's very cramped in here.

MARCUS:  It sure is.  And dark.  Pitch black.  I'm not sure if I'm facing one of you or a wall.

RUSTY:   Does anyone have a match?

MERCI:  We're hiding in a tiny closet from renegade snow freaks.  There's barely room to breathe and you want a match?

Along with a host of your other friends, we would like to welcome you back to blogging, Frankie and Ernie.  We recently read you already met a number of friendly canine neighbors and some humans too before you moved.  And you'll be getting a new fence for your yard to keep you safe.  We hope you will all love your new life in Pencil Vane E Ah.  Be blessed and happy!

PS -- And please, please, please send your Mom to collect her snow freaks ASAP so we can come out of the closet!  Cyndi has to pee. 

Our Caturday Art blog hop picture.  It is hosted by Athena. We used the Craquelure Filter in Photoshop Elements.  It is supposed to make a painting look old, but you know Jan, she can't read, so she used it anyway to give the picture a different effect.

And our Sepia Saturday blog hop picture.  Hosted by Ruckus the Eskie & Earl's World.