Marcus Tells A Joke

Marcus:  Hey, it's me again, your favorite joke teller.  I have a good one for you today.  It's blog appropriate since so many furries call their humans  - Oh, I can't give away the joke.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

One girl said, "My father grows beans."

"My mother cooks beans," added a boy.

A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Micah:  After our recent gas leak here  - or should I say after your recent gas leak, Marcus (flashback to Marcus the Hero), I thought sure there would be a different  punch line.

Marcus:  Why would you think that?

Micah:  I've heard how unmelodious human beans can become after they eat beans.

Marcus:   Oh, you mean like when Jan followed the directions to double the dose for the first two weeks of my new vitamins and stopped after only two days?

Micah:   Exactly.

Marcus:  Maybe I'd better tell a different joke before Jan makes us shut down for the day.  Do you know one?

Micah:  Yes.

Marcus:  So tell us what it is.

Micah:  I will.  When it's my turn to do a post.


We are running behind on everything (as usual) so haven't had a chance to post a Mousebreath interview for today.  We will have one for you next week.

We are joining Flashback Friday.  To see other blog entries and/or to enter your own blog, visit the Five Sibes.

And joining Feline Friday at Comedy Plus.

No Problem

 

Rusty:  Hey, come closer so I can tell you a story without Jan eavesdropping.  Yep, I'm going to tattle on her.

Merci:  Can I help?  I love to tell stories too.

Rusty:  Do you remember the post we did the other day on Winton causing Jan so many problems downloading and IDing her photos?  (Winton in the Doghouse)

Merci:  Winton?  Oh, you mean Win 10, Microsoft's lunatic operating system.  Yes, I remember.

Rusty:  Jan is a bit stubborn and she really fought to download her way - to Picasa on the computer - except Winton absolutely refuses to recognize the computer card reader.  And she found a workaround to ID the photos her way.

Merci:  It's been a bit tense around here since Winton arrived, so we're all relieved.

Rusty:  Monday night she finished the latest batch of photos so we could do a review today.  She was so proud of herself.  And then -

Merci:  And then Jan, who could manage to shoot herself in the foot if she had a gun, discovered some of the photos for the review needed to be re-shot.  No problem.

Rusty:  She moved some things around to make room in the bedroom, grabbed her little camera and ... well, it would look a lot better if she was level with the object.  She doesn't bend well any more, so when she tried to sit on the floor, she fell.

Merci:  No problem.  Now she was at the right level.  She picked up the camera, turned it on and before she could aim, it went dark.  Great.  She crawled across the floor to pull herself up on the bed, found the battery cable and plugged it in to charge the battery.

Rusty.  No problem.  She'd just use the big camera.  But first she had to scoop the litter pan since it would be in the picture and Micah had decided to christen it.  No, she didn't want to try sitting on the floor again.  She pulled over Buddy's 2-step stool and sat down, picked up the big camera, turned it on and -

Merci:  A banner popped up saying "Battery depleted" and it, too, went dark.

Rusty: No problem.  This camera has a spare battery.  She changed the battery, took the photos, downloaded them to the computer, ID'd them, cropped and slapped our name on them, resized them, uploaded them to Picasa online-

Merci:  Where we wrote most of our review post, until Jan suddenly yelled," Stop, we forgot something!"

Rusty:  It's now after 11 PM and we have to wait on something for the review, so we have no post for tomorrow (then) /today (now).  What do we do?

Merci:  No problem. We write about Jan since this is all her fault.

A Drunk Dinosaur Crash

Percy:   Hey, Cyndi, what do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?

Cyndi:  I didn't know dinosaurs could drive.

Percy:  This one can. 

Cyndi:  Is he insured?

Percy:  I don't know.  I suppose so.

Cyndi:  Is he carrying uninsured motorist?

Percy:  How would I know?  I can't ask to see his policy.

Cyndi:  Sure you can.  If he hits you, you have every right to ask for his insurance information.

Percy:  He didn't hit me. 

Cyndi:  Then whom did he hit?

Percy:  It doesn't matter.  Wait, he didn't hit anybody.  He just crashed his car.

Cyndi:  Are you sure he crashed his own car?

Percy:  I assume if there's a dinosaur driving a car, it would have to be a very large car, so I also assume it's his own car.

Cyndi:  Well, if there's one very large dinosaur car, there must be more.  If you see a dinosaur have an accident while driving a very large car, I'd suggest you dial 9-1-1 to report a drunk crashing a stolen vehicle.  

Percy:  I asked what you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car.  How did he end up drunk in a stolen vehicle?

Cyndi:  I don't know.  It's your story.  If you didn't have all the details, you shouldn't have mentioned it.

Taylor:  Percy, I couldn't help but overhear the conversation.  I'd sure like to know the answer to what to call it when a dinosaur crashes his car.

Percy:  Oh, no!  I'm not falling for that.  Before I can answer, you'll try to convince me Mr. Dinosaur killed Mrs. Dinosaur and her body was in the trunk. 

Taylor:  Why would you think that?  I'm sure he had enough sense to dump her body before he got drunk, stole a car and crashed it.

Percy:  It was a joke, a two-line joke.  Now it's a full length book and I don't even remember the punch line.

Cyndi:  Taylor and I read the joke the other day .  When a dinosaur crashes his car it's called -

Taylor:  A tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

Wild Calling Buffalo

Marcus:  Hey, Jan, this is for us dogs, isn't it?  We don't have to share it with the cats, do we?

Jan:  No, you don't have to share this food with the cats. 

Marcus:  Okay, then I'll keep my eye on it so the cats don't steal it.  That sure looks and smells good!

Buddy:  Aren't you going to tell anyone what it is?

Marcus:  Oh, sure.  This is Wild Calling Grasslands and it's 96% buffalo.  Click the link to check out all the different flavors, including - believe it or not - alligator.

Merci:  The label says it's grain free.  It also says "rotational diet" on the label.  I guess that means Jan should order a case of each flavor so we can enjoy variety.  What, Buddy?  I can dream, can't I?

Marcus:  It's also free of gluten and artificial flavors, colors and preservatives.  That should make Jan happy to feed it to us.
 

Buddy:  Marcus, you are such a photo hog!  Jan was trying to take a picture of the food on the back steps, not you.

Marcus:  Well, I think I'm more photogenic.

Merci:  The house would sure be a lot more photogenic if you didn't keep kicking mud over everything.

Marcus:  Mud adds character!

Merci:  Okay, Marcus, you're being served first in your private dining car.  As soon as Jan tells you it's okay to eat, you can tell us how the food tastes.

Marcus:  Mmmmmfth, mphlant - 

The ingredient list from Chewy.com: Buffalo, water (sufficient for processing), liver, guar gum, calcium sulfate, vitamins {vitamin E supplement, niacin supplement, l-ascorbyl-2-polyphosphate (source of vitamin C), thiamine mononitrate (source of vitamin B1), calcium pantothenate, vitamin A supplement, pyridoxine hydrochloride (source of vitamin B6), riboflavin supplement (source of vitamin B2), folic acid, vitamin B12 supplement, biotin, vitamin D2 supplement}, minerals {zinc sulfate, ferric sulfate, copper sulfate, manganese sulfate, selenium yeast, potassium iodide}.

Buddy:  Never mind, we're checking it out for ourselves.  What do you think, Merci?

Merci:  I think this is our shot and Marcus is photobombing us again.  Can't Jan move his private dining car out of the way?  But the buffalo is good. 

Marcus:  My bowl is empty.  Where did the food go?

Buddy:  Should I really answer that?

Marcus:  I hope Jan doesn't miss this can I swiped while she was trying to take a picture of the buffalo Wild Calling.  I sure could use some help opening it, though.  I wonder if Chewy.com would open any future cans before shipping them? 

Chewy provided the dog food for this review.  We were not paid and Chewy is not responsible for the content. 

This post and Four Paws and Three Claws are part of the monthly Chewy blog hop hosted by Golden Woofs and Oz the Terrier.  

A Gushing Stream

Cyndi:  Marcus, stop yelling and banging your food dish on the bars!

Marcus:  Guard, let me out of here!  This is supposed to be my private dining car.  That means you're supposed to serve me food.  What part of dining don't you understand?

Buddy:  It's going to be a while before you're sprung, Marcus.  Jan isn't here.

Marcus:  She isn't here?  Does anyone know where she keeps the key?

Cyndi:  Yes, she ate it.

Buddy:  She what?

Cyndi:  *whispers*  She didn't really, Buddy.  You know there isn't a key to Marcus's PDC.  In fact, it shouldn't be that hard to open the door from outside the crate.  We could probably spring him if we want to.

Buddy:  You didn't say that.  I didn't hear it.  And don't you ever dare think of it again!  The the only peace we ever get around here is when he's temporarily confined to his crate, or his PDC as he calls it.

Marcus:  What are you two whispering about?  Do you have a plan to spring me?

Buddy:  Sorry.  We were just saying how sad we feel to see you confined to your private dining car instead of running around the house terrorizing ... I mean, snoopervising all of us.

Cyndi:  I know what will take your mind off your circumstances.  Tell me what happened on your walk Saturday afternoon.

Marcus:  Nothing happened.  Oh, wait!  There was a raging stream running down the street.  We had to swim uphill through deep water to finish our walk.

Buddy:  We did not!  We weren't even on that side of the road.

Marcus:  Well, I'm bored, so if I want to remember it as a raging stream, it was a raging stream and we nearly drowned getting past it.

Buddy:  It was a gushing stream.  We could hear it and water was pouring in waves from under a big metal plate the contract company had used to cover a hole we'd watched them dig Friday.

Cyndi:  Oh, that's what Jan meant when she said she'd just seen our flood up the street.

Buddy:  Yes, she meant the flood through our back yard/dog pen when the new coupling blew on our water line.  (In Your Dreams)  She never wanted to see anything like it again.

Marcus:  She ignored us and talked to herself all the way home.

Buddy:  That was so she wouldn't forget to call it in when she got home to drop off Merci and me before your second walk.

Cyndi:  She left a message on the cell phone of the contract company's project coordinator and emailed the mayor so the city could follow up on it.

Gushing water and waves. Click to enlarge. :)

Marcus:  They made good time, arriving back up the hill before we did.  We watched them set up a hose to a generator and start pumping water out of the hole that was filling as fast as it was emptying.

Buddy:  Too bad it was fixed when we walked by there today.  I kind of enjoyed the excitement of watching the flood.

Marcus:  I didn't.  We could have drowned!

Cyndi:  Marcus, don't be melodramatic.  You didn't even get your toenail damp.

Marcus:  I like my version better.  As Merci said, some things are better with A Little Fairy Dust sprinkled on them.

Steam Engine with a Cold

MICAH:  Shhh, don't make any noise.  You'll wake the dogs. 

PERCY:  We kid around a lot in our post.  We hope we haven't given you the idea we don't like each other. 

MICAH:  Yes, we have our moments.

PERCY:  And here is one of them.  Marcus and Merci sleeping butt to butt in Sam's bed. 

MICAH:  Oops, Jan disturbed Merci when she got the camera, but they were both fast asleep before that.

MARCUS:   Zzzzz, snort, snick.

MERCI:  What?  Who snorts and snicks in their sleep?

PERCY:  Obviously Marcus does.

MERCI:  I was here first.  He should go snort and snick somewhere else.

MICAH:  He's sound asleep.  I don't think you're going to wake him easily.  Perhaps you could move?

MERCI:  No way!  I was here first and I'm very comfortable.  I'm not leaving.

MARCUS:  Zzzzz, snick, sneep. 

MERCI:  MARRRRRCUSSSSSS!

MARCUS:  Huh, wah, is there a fire?

PERCY:  Merci was just trying to wake you so she can get some rest without you making so much noise in your sleep.

MARCUS:  Noise, what noise?  I don't make any noise in my sleep.

MERCI:  You sound like a steam engine with a cold.

MARCUS:   I do no such thing.  On the other paw, you squirm and sniff in your sleep.

MICAH:  Guys, hey, guys, we're trying to tell everyone how well we get along.  Can you cool it?

MARCUS:  Yes.  I'll cool it right here.  Merci, you can cool it somewhere else.

MERCI:  If you're not moving, neither am I. 

PERCY:  We do, we really do get along some of the time. 

MICAH:  I guess we should be thankful for that this week.  Getting along some of the time beats none of the time. 

PERCY:  Do you mind moving over, Micah?  You're in my space. 

MICAH:  It's not your space.  I was here first.  


Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.   

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2016

TAYLOR:  Hey, whose idea was it to bring me one of Sam's old hats to wear?  His head was bigger than I am!

BUDDY:  Don't worry.  It was just a joke.  We asked Jan to include you in our post today since we're using a graphic from 2014. 

TAYLOR:  Sam was sure a character.

BUDDY:  Yes, he was usually wearing the wrong hat for the occasion but we had a lot of fun teasing him about it.

TAYLOR:  Cameron the Tuxie left for the bridge a few months before I arrived, but I've heard he and Sam were well-loved by all of you. 

BUDDY:  You weren't here long enough to get to know Sam's sense of humor.  He was always making us laugh with his silly faces.  Marcus is trying to fill his shoes ... er, paws now but he's a different personality type.

TAYLOR:  Marcus is a different everything. I think his brain is filled with confetti so his personality changes as the different colored confetti shifts position.

BUDDY:  I never thought of it like that, but you might be right.  Let's hope his green confetti has shifted to the front of his brain for the day.

MARCUS:  Hey guys, are you ready for the wearing o' the green today?  I am.

TAYLOR:  Look at him strut out of the room.  I do believe one of these days his brain is going to explode confetti all over the place.

BUDDY:  I hope he doesn't do it in the kitchen while I'm eating.

FUNNY FARMERS:  Happy St. Patrick's Day to all.


Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.  

Hard Hat at the Cleaners

PERCY:  The weather is warming and I'm getting antsy.  I think next time you dogs take Jan for a walk, I want to go along.

MERCI:  You know you'll have to wear a harness and leash to help keep Jan from wandering off, don't you?

PERCY:  Well, if I have to, but I think she should be old enough to find her own way home by now.  It must be so nice to see different scenery.  Pretty scenery.  Not the same drab view day after day.

MERCI: I don't know about pretty scenery.  This is a recent example of what we see daily on our walking route.

PERCI:  You're joking.  It looks like a ... a ...

MERCI:  A junk pile?  See the crane on the right?  There used to be a building there.  Actually, there used to be buildings all over the Martha Mill property but they are being demolished.

PERCY:  I think I'll pass on walking with you.  My hard hat is at the dry cleaners.

MERCI:  I've never seen you with a hard hat.

PERCY:   (*mumbles* And you won't see me in one now, if I can help it.)  How can you dogs walk Jan by that mess?  What if a building falls on you?  You'd be squashed.

MERCI:  That's why Buddy and I hang back and let Jan lead the way.  Jan is taller than we are. If anything falls on her, she might come through a little shorter but she'll survive.  You know how hard-headed she is.

PERCY:  It sounds like you have a good plan, but I have always heard you should never go near a constructions site  -

MERCI:  In this case, a demolition site.

PERCY:  Okay, you should never go near a demolition site without a hard hat. I think I'll wait for mine to come back from the dry cleaners.

Chase Your Own Chicken

MARCUS:  I'll shut my eyes and count to ten and Micah eating our food will become a mirage, Merci.  Stay behind  my private dining car and don't look until I tell you it's okay. 

MERCI:  Don't get upset, Marcus.  It will ruin your breakfast.

MICAH:  You aren't losing any breakfast, Marcus.  I'm just licking the empty can.  You don't eat empty ... Never mind, I forgot you tried to eat an empty cat food can one day.  This is good.  What is it?

BUDDY:  It's the Tiki Gourmet Carnivore chicken with turkey flavor.  It's supposed to match our natural prey diet.

MICAH:  Is it from one of those chase your own chicken menus?

MARCUS:  No, the chicken is already cooked and shredded.  This is what it looks like in the 12-oz can.  It's made from chicken broth, chicken, turkey and olive oil.

BUDDY:  We're told these are some Key Benefits -

•     Grain and gluten-free recipe

•     55% protein, 35% fat, 0% carb

•     Made with whole meats

•     With added vitamins, minerals and trace nutrients

•     Carbohydrate, starch and flour free

•     Zero glycemic index

•     Great for all life stages

MERCI:  How is the service in your private dining car, Marcus?

MARCUS:  The waitress could use a little training, but the food is delicious.

BUDDY: Yes, the service has been a little slow but Jan did finally manage to put our morning kibble topped with Tiki chicken on the floor so we can join you at breakfast.

MERCI:  Please don't make so much noise when you eat, Marcus, or we'll have to ask Jan to feed us as far away from your private dining car as possible next time.

MARCUS:  Hey, I've finished my breakfast.  Can you guys let me out of here?

MERCI:  Sorry, Marcus.  If we do that, you'll finish our breakfasts and we'll go without.

BUDDY:  I'd say, from the clean bowls, this food is a hit.  I think we should give this Tiki Gourmet Carnivore dog food 3 paws up!


The Tiki dog food was provided by Chewy.com. We were not paid for this review and Chewy is not responsible for the content.

This post and Delectable Delights are part of the monthly Chewy blog hop hosted by Golden Woofs and Ox the Terrier.  

Paragliding Budgie Jump

BUDDY:  Hey, Taylor, did you hear the joke about the two morons?

TAYLOR:  No.  Finish your biscuit and then you can tell me.

BUDDY:  Okay, I'm done.  There were these two morons standing on the edge of a cliff.with their arms outstretched.

TAYLOR:  Are they morons because they're standing on the edge of a cliff?

BUDDY:  Partly.  One had budgies lined up on his arms.  The other had a line of parrots. They both leaped off  the cliff and fell to the ground.

TAYLOR:  Ouch!  That must have hurt.

BUDDY:  Yes, and they both ended up in intensive care at the hospital.

TAYLOR:  What about the birds?

BUDDY:  What?

TAYLOR:  What happened to the birds?  Did they fly away?

BUDDY:  Maybe.  Or perhaps they were being treated at a birdhouse clinic.  Can I finish the joke, please?

TAYLOR:  Oh, sorry.  Go ahead.

BUDDY:  One moron said to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping:  The other replied, "I don't think much of this paragliding either.

TAYLOR:  I don't think much of the joke. 

BUDDY:  I don't think much of it either.

TAYLOR:  Then why did you tell it?

BUDDY:  Because it's the only one I could remember. 

Your Check Is In The Mail

MERCI:  I thought we were going to post on what has been going on around here this week.

BUDDY:  Make up your mind, Marcus.  Are you going to play ball or help us post?

MARCUS:  Oh, sorry.  You know how I forget everything when I have a ball or two.

MERCI:  It's been a busy week around here.  Noisy, too.

MARCUS:  Yes, Tuesday morning Jan set down our dog food bowls and there was a knock at the front door.  I left my breakfast unattended to escort Jan in case she got lost on the way.  The nice man who came by last year to patch a leak said, "Hi, I'm your roofer.  We want to start in the back.  Could you unlock the gate for us?"   

BUDDY:  Our landlord forgot to let us know when to expect the roofer, but we were finally on the schedule.

MARCUS: You can afford to be happy about it.  When I, the working guard dog, returned to the kitchen, you were licking the crumbs from my breakfast dish.  Faint from hunger, I staggered through the rest of the day.

BUDDY:  You mean you whined about it until dinner.

MERCI:  The men were on the roof until sundown, then back the next two mornings at 7:15.  Wednesday they worked a 12 hour day.  

MARCUS: Jan said I was good because I soon stopped barking at the noise.

BUDDY:  No, Jan said we were good.  You don't get all the credit.

MARCUS:  Well, I'm going to get all the paycheck.

BUDDY:  What paycheck?

MARCUS:  The guy in charge said I did such a great job of snoopervising that I deserved a raise.

MERCI:  I doubt that, but if he did, he was pulling your leg.  A raise from zero is still zero.

BUDDY:  Let's get back on track.  Here are a few pictures of the roofing project from the past three days.

MERCI:  And, finally, our new roof.  We thought the guys would leave a mess of nails in the yard - and you know how accident -prone Jan is - but the guys did a good job of cleaning up after themselves.

MARCUS:  That's because I did an excellent job of snoopervising.

BUDDY:  *rolls eyes*  I'm sure your check is in the mail.


We are joining the Pet Parade blog hop with hosts Rascal and Rocco,  Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Owned by a Husky.

Guilty Without Innocence

MERCI:  On Tuesday we posted a Pre-Promenade photo from last month. 

TAYLOR:  Today, we would like to post a couple of pre-promenade yellow daffodils in bloom photos, also from last month.

MERCI:  It's a good thing we have these photos because just a few minutes ago Jan looked out the window and discovered our beautiful blooming daffodils have been crushed.  *wipes tear from eye*

MARCUS:  I want it on the record I wasn't the one responsible!  They are not even near the dog pen.

TAYLOR:  No one has accused you, Marcus.  We know you are innocent.  This time.

MARCUS:  Oh, okay, but you guys always blame me whenever anything happens.  Even if I was out of the country when it happened.

MERCI:  You've never been out of the country, Marcus!

MARCUS:  Well, if I ever am, you'll still consider me guilty without innocence. 

TAYLOR:  Would you like to confess now, so you won't have to hire a lawyer later?

MARCUS:  Yes ... no!  Don't confuse me like that. 

MERCI:  So this Thankful Thursday you're thankful you haven't confessed to a crime you didn't commit while you weren't out of the country, but if convicted, you'll serve your sentence without protest?

MARCUS:  Yes... no! You're confusing me. I think I need a solitary game of soccer to clear my head.


Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.  

Delectable Delights

MICAH:  Hey, Cyndi, where are you going?

CYNDI:   A Chewy box just arrived.  I'm going to go see what was in it for us cats.

TAYLOR:  Why would Chewy be sending us anything in a box?

PERCY:  Because we're cute and funny.

RUSTY: Hey, we have a 12-pack of 2.5 ounce Natural Balance Delectable Delights.

CYNDI:  Pate with tuna & chicken in a tasty gravy.   It sounds good.

TAYLOR:  What's a Land'n Sea Cats-serole?   It's not made of cats, is it?

MICAH:  Of course not!  I't made from:  Tuna Broth, Tuna, Chicken, Whitefish, Pea Protein, Rice Flour, Natural Flavor, Sunflower Oil, vitamins and minerals.  

PERCY:  It is moist and thick in its little tub.  I wonder how it tastes?

MICAH:  It tastes pretty good. Cyndi, get your tail out of my breakfast!  (If it looks a bit watery, remember Jan mixes our food with water so we drink more.)

TAYLOR:  Chewy says:  Natural Balance Delectable Delights are gourmet cat stews that are hand crafted and cooked to savory perfection.

 Key Benefits -
    Perfect for finicky eaters.
    Wholesome ingredients in a savory gravy.
    Complete & balanced for adult cats.

RUSTY:  I think this rates high on the taste scale.

PERCY:  Jan suggested we do this review because Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance is a good brand of pet food. She is, however, a bit wary of the ingredient menadione sodium bisulfate complex - a synthetic Vitamin K) because it has been so controversial. 

RUSTY:  Chewy expects us to do an honest review of any product, so we felt we should mention that this ingredient bothers our human, although we understand this is the only form of Vitamin K approved for pet food. 

CYNDI:  Does that mean Jan won't let us eat the last of the cats-eroles?

MICAH  Don't worry, Cyndi.  The Natural Balance Delectable Delights are basically a good food.  Jan just isn't happy about that particular ingredient. 

TAYLOR:  I have an idea.  She can pick that ingredient out of each serving. 

PERCY  *winks at the others*  A good idea, Taylor.  Why don't you suggest it to her?

The Natural Balance cat food was provided by Chewy.com. We were not paid for this review and Chewy is not responsible for the content.