Marcus the Great Swampi

Marcus:  I am Marcus, the Great Swampi.

Cyndi:  I think you mean the Great Swami.

Marcus:  Okay, I am the Great Swami.  I see all.  I know everything.

Cyndi:  Good, then you can tell me what happened to the treat stash I was saving for a cold night.

Marcus:  It was eaten by ... I'm sorry, I can't tell who it was.

Cyndi:  You can't tell because you can't see, or you can't tell because you're the guilty party?

Marcus:  I have a question for you.  If you can answer, I will try again to see who ate your stash.

Cyndi:  Okay.

Marcus:  Why did Jan put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Cyndi:  Because the ice skates were too wobbly?

Marcus:  What ice skates?  I asked about roller skates?  So why?

Cyndi:  I don't believe Jan put roller skates on anything.  She likes her feet on the ground!

Marcus:  Sorry, bad example.  Why did the teenager next door put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Cyndi:  She can't.  They don't have a rocking chair.

Marcus: Okay, why did the teenager next door put roller skates on OUR rocking chair? 

Cyndi:  Oh, that's easy.  Because she wanted to rock and roll.  So who ate my stash?

Taylor:  Hi, Marcus, I see you're dressed like a giraffe again.  Hey, don't go.  I was joking.

Marcus:  You broke my concentration.  I need to go lie down.

Cyndi:  Now I'll never know who ate my treat stash.

Taylor:  Oh, that's easy.  Marcus ate it last night.

The FTWCA

Buddy:  What's wrong, Percy?  You look sad.

Percy:  I'm not sad.  I'm hungry and Jan won't let me have any of the treats in the bag until she's done with the photos.

Cyndi:  That's too bad, Percy.  You should file a complaint with the FTWCA.

Poor sad Percy.

Marcus:  What's the FTWCA?

Cameron:  It's the Feline Treat Withholding Correction Agency.\

Micah:  What can they do about Percy's lack of treats?

Sam:  They could force Jan to give us more.

Merci:  She wouldn't go to jail, would she?

Rusty:  Nah, not the first time.  If she cooperated, she'd just get a warning and a fine.

Marcus:  Oh, I'm so relieved.  I thought I was about to become homeless again.

Note:  This was written while Cameron was still with us, but overlooked and not published.  

Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites

SAM:  Hey, what are these?  We haven't had them before.

MARCUS:  That's because they're brand new.  They're Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites, small foot-shaped treats.  They're treats for humans to give their dogs when they walk their dogs or take them hiking. 

SAM:  Walking is good for all of us, including Jan.  Did anyone explain to her she is supposed to take us walking with these, not toss our treats in the dirt?

BUDDY:  She read the press release so she is aware this is not the way to do it, but she can't walk us all at one time and handle a camera too.

SAM:  So what flavor did you get, Buddy?

BUDDY:  I think she gave me beef.

MARCUS:  Bacon, this is definitely bacon flavor. 

MERCI:   I have chicken.  Jan, can I try some bacon too?

SAM:  These are supposed to be good for us.  Taurine for heart health, chicken cartilage,for natural glucosamine for our joints, and L-carnitine for weight control.

MERCI:  Perhaps you should have some extra, Sam.  You've gotten a little hefty. 

MERCI:  Sam, come back.  Is it something I said?

MARCUS:  I'm ready to try some beef or chicken treats, Jan.  When you take me walking this evening, are you going to take the Walkies Fit Bites with us? 

SAM:  Here, I'll help you with that, Rusty.

RUSTY:  Hey, that was mine!  I wanted to try one.  You stole my treat!

SAM:  But you're not a dog, Rusty.

BUDDY:  These treats are supposed to be healthy.  Jan has a problem with sugar being an ingredient in any pet product, but these don't have corn or wheat or soy and do have some good ingredients so she didn't hesitate to let us have them.

MERCI:  Ingredients listed begin with pork liver, pea flour, potatoes, dried whole eggs, glycerin, flax seed, sugar, chicken fat (preserved with mixed tocopherols and citric acid), barley flour, tapioca flour, beef, sweet potatoes, etc.

MARCUS:  Crazy Dog Walkies Fit Bites is on Facebook.  They are also on Twitter as @crazypet.  

SAM:  We all loved the treats, but will we have to walk in order to get seconds?

BUDDY:  What do you care?  We walk every day anyway.  Healthy treats are just an added bonus to a healthy exercise schedule.

NOTE:  We were not paid for this review.  Any opinions expressed are our own.  A sample bag of each flavor was provided for us to taste test. 

Check the Freezer

MERCI:  We didn't expect to be posting so soon.  We're supposed to be on a hiatus while Jan tears the house apart looking for her energy.  And her memory. Remember we mentioned she forgot to take a leash when she went back to the vet's office last week to pick up Marcus?  Well, when they got home she ran inside and grabbed his leash to bring him in but can't remember what she did with it then.  She has spent the last week looking for it. (The leash, not Marcus.)   

PERCY:  Has she checked the freezer?

MERCI:  The reason we're posting today is because Jan finally realized this is the last day of March and she hasn't helped us with our March Chewy review.  She put all the other dogs outside so I could do my taste test without them trying to steal my treats.

PERCY:  But a treat is on the floor and you're not eating it.  It sure smells good.  Don't you like it?

MERCI:  Jan was just about to tell me I can have it and take my picture before you butted in, Percy.  If you move out of the shot, I can eat it.

RUSTY:  I smelled something edible and came by for a taste.  And some attention.

MERCI:  You aren't a dog either, Rusty.  I think you and Percy just came by to get your pictures taken.

RUSTY:  It worked, didn't it?

SAM:  Now that Merci has given the treats her seal of approval, it's our turn.  When Jan tried to come outside, Buddy and Marcus blocked the door.  Usually Marcus pushes Buddy down the steps to get inside first, but today Buddy ...

MARCUS:  ... Buddy pushed me.  He PUSHED ME out of the way and squeezed through the crack in the door.  But Jan fooled him.  She came outside so we all get some treats.

BUDDY:  This month we have some natural grain & gluten free Merrick Kitchen Bites.  These are the Cowboy Cookout.  They're oven baked with real beef, potatoes and carrots. 

MARCUS:  I'm sitting nicely and waiting patiently, so where are my treats?

SAM:  Perhaps Jan is waiting for you to wash your face.  As usual, you're covered in mud.  You even have mud spattered in your ear today.

MARCUS:  I don't need a bath for my taste buds to work.  Here, I can tell you what's in them.  Deboned beef, sweet potatoes, potatoes, peas, organic cane molasses, canola oil, carrots, apples, flaxseed, cumin, gelatin, mixed tocopherals and rosemary.

BUDDY:  Your taste buds really do work better when you're muddy!

SAM:  He was reading from the package in Jan's hand.

MARCUS:  Mud doesn't affect my eyesight either.

BUDDY:  I think I need glasses, but my nose still works well.  You knocked my treat out of Jan's hand, Sam.

We give the Merrick Kitchen Bites four paws up.  Although Percy and Rusty didn't actually taste one, they both came running when Jan opened the bag.

Chewy.com provided us with a sample bag of the treats but we were not paid or influenced on what to say. 

FFHT Treats

MARCUS:  I didn't do it.  I didn't do it.  I didn't do it.  I ...

PERCY:  What are you babbling, Marcus?

MARCUS:  Whatever you're all whispering about, I didn't do it!

CYNDI:  Of course you didn't Marcus.  Not this time.

MARCUS:  I didn't?  Are you sure?

RUSTY:  Of course we're sure.  And we have photographic proof. 

MARCUS:  You do?  Can I see it?

BUDDY:  Here you are, Marcus.  Before Jan left the house yesterday, she opened a new bag of treats and gave all us dogs one. When she returned, there was nothing left of all those treats except the shredded plastic bag they were in.  You can see the mess between your crate and Sam.  That's Merci trying to hide behind him.

SAM:  We greeted Jan at the door and tried to tell her someone broke in while she was gone and stole the treat bag, but we forgot about the telltale plastic. 

MERCI:  Now Sam and I are in trouble.  Not just for stealing the treats but for pigging out right in front of your crate and not sharing with you, Marcus.  We're sorry we made you suffer.  We know how you love to eat.

CAMERON:  Jan was so upset she told me, "It was the worst New Year's resolution that I ever made! I should never have promised the dogs I would try to remember to give them treats more often.  Look what happened when I tried to be nice."

MICAH: I think this is actually kind of funny, Marcus.  The one time you are truly innocent, you're closed in your crate and have an alibi. 

Note:  Everything in this post is factual, except for Jan's words.  We needed the one line for a Fractured Fryday Hairy Tales post.

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Not Worth Stealing

MARCUS:  This is my first Christmas and I'm very confused.

CYNDI:  Why?

MARCUS:  Because I thought it is supposed to be a time of giving.

CYNDI:  It is.

MARCUS:  Then why is Jan being selfish?

CYNDI:  How can you say she is being selfish?  She's still providing meals and a roof over our heads.  She plays with you and when the weather is decent, she goes for walks with you.

MARCUS:  Yes, but there is something missing.

CYNDI:  What's that?

MARCUS:  Treats.  We have treats but Jan isn't giving them out.

CYNDI:  I've seen her giving you treats. What kind of treats do you want?

MARCUS:  Some of those chocolate covered pretzels she brought home the other night.  Or one of those ham and Swiss cheese sammiches on rolls she brought from the church get together Sunday.  She's got lots of treats stashed around the house but she's not sharing them.

CYNDI:  Well, I can understand about the chocolate covered pretzels since chocolate isn't good for us, but if Jan has a stash, it should be ham and cheese sammiches all around. 

SAM:  Ham and cheese sammiches?  Where did you get them?

MARCUS:  We don't have any.  Jan does and she's not sharing.

SAM:  So that's what I smell.  She's taking some out of the microwave now.  I'll start barking.  Jan will come to see if someone is at the door.  Marcus, you grab the sammiches off the plate.  Cyndi and I will meet you in the bedroom to divvy them up.

MARCUS:  Good idea.

CYNDI:  *eyes Marcus' empty paws when they enter the bedroom*  Hey, where is our share?

MARCUS:  There were only 3 sammiches.  They were so small they weren't *BURP* worth stealing.

SAM:  I think you mean they weren't worth sharing.

MARCUS:  Yes, that's it.   I knew you'd understand.  

PERCY:  Today is Christmas Eve and we hoped to have some photos downloaded from the camera, but Jan hasn't even taken them yet.  At this rate, we should be ready for our Christmas posts by Easter. 

Solid Gold Cinna-Bits

Percy:  Hey, you guys got some new treats to taste test.

Rusty:  Aren't those your October Chewy review?  You are aware it's already November, aren't you?

Cyndi:  Of course they're aware.  We had so many computer problems in the last half of October, they didn't get a chance to do their post.

Rusty:  Jan did talk to Sydney and apologized to her for the dogs being late with their review. She was nice and said to not worry.  What, Jan worry?  That's her middle name!

Buddy:  Are you guys done chattering?  We want to tell readers what we taste tested: Solid Gold Cinna-Bits from their Functional Foodz line of treats.  They're holistic dog biscuits for little mouths.

Cameron:  Little mouths?  Have you looked in the mirror lately?  Um ... sorry.  Are they good?  They look good.

Merci:  They were very good.  There are actual dried cinnamon leaves in with the treats. 

Buddy:  They're all natural.  No corn, no soy, no wheat. 

Marcus:  The ingredients are barley flour, oat flour, pea starch, rolled oats, canola oil, cinnamon, lamb meal, fish meal, flax meal and dried seaweed meal. 

Sam:  See, they're bite-size for Merci.  For smaller dogs, they can easily be broken in half.  They're great for larger dogs too.  I figure I'm the largest dog here so I should get the most but Jan gives Marcus the most 'cause she's trying hard to train him to calm down.  She should give me the treats and give Marcus tranquilizers.  Right?  Right!

Merci:  Jan thinks these treats smell so good because of the cinnamon.  There's a black plastic bar across the front of the package, which she figured must be some kind of means to close the bag to keep the treats fresh, but if it is, it doesn't work.  It left a line of glue across the plastic bag  and the plastic bar wouldn't stick to it again.

Marcus:  Of course Jan is gadget impaired, so it could be the plastic piece is there for another reason.  She better figure it out soon before the treats are gone.

Buddy:  Other types of Solid Gold dog treats are also available.  These are delicious.  We wouldn't mind sampling the other types too.

Chewy.com provided us with a sample bag of the dog treats.  We were not paid for this review and any opinions expressed are entirely our own.

Beach Ball

Merci:  What's today's date?  Is it the 19th yet?

Micah:  Yes, today is the 19th.  Why do you ask?

Cameron:  Oh, I remember, it's the day Frankie & Ernie said we should post our pool party photo.

Sam:  We decided we didn't want to go swimming in a pool.  Too much chlorine. 

Rusty:  So we went to the beach in Florida instead.

Buddy:  We had a lot of fun, but by the time we got there, we were so hungry, these are all the treats we had left for the picture.  Don't worry, we didn't litter the beach with the empty treat bags. Jan traveled with us to take this group picture - oh, and to pick up our poop.  Always be sure to take a pooper scooper with you when you travel.  Or is that a poop scooper?

Marcus:  It's my first trip to the beach and I had a ball.  Micah and I played with the beach ball.  Jan blew it up with a bicycle foot pump before we left and it could have used more air.  Sand is almost as much fun as dirt, but not as soft on the skin.

Cyndi:  It was a beautiful day but very hot, so we're all worn out and intend to nap through today.

Percy:  Frankie & Ernie organized a pool party to thank Chewy for the lovely box of goodies they sent to each of us.  We posted on the Surprise Package before the party was organized.

Healthy Teeth and Gums

Sam:  Do you see what I see?

Sam and Marcus

Marcus:  Yes.  I've already tried to snitch them but Jan is tight-fisted.

Sam:  You're lucky she didn't catch a picture of your tongue.  You've been licking your chops repeatedly.

 

Buddy:  Those are medium to large grain free Natural Balance Dental Chews.  We got the pumpkin & chicken meal formula with papaya.

Merci:  They're made with pumpkin, potato starch, chicken meal, glycerin, papaya, natural chicken flavor, lecithin, beta-carotene (color), parsley, alfalfa, sorbic acid (preservative and a long name (source of Vitamin C).

Marcus:  They are supposed to help reduce plaque and tartar, freshen breath and be easy to chew and digest.   Did you see the ridges in them?  Neat, huh?

Marcus, Sam and little Merci

Sam:  So do we get to try one?

Merci:  Don't forget me back here behind the guys.

Buddy:  Why don't you come up here and sit with the rest of us?

Merci:  Because I have more sense.  You'd run me over and squash me when the treats are distributed.

Merci, Sam's tail, Buddy, Marcus

Merci:  You don't have a very good aim, Jan.  You missed me and Marcus sprinted for it.  He's eating my dental chew.

Sam:  The rest of us are closing in for a grab and run, if necessary.  Notice my tail is wagging so fast it's a white blur.

Buddy

Buddy:  It's about time!  Munch, munch.

Merci

Merci:  Grrrrrrrrowl!  You get away, Marcus.  You already stole one from me.

Sam, Marcus

Sam:  Crumbs.  Did Buddy leave any crumbs? 

Buddy, Sam, Marcus, Merci (steps)

Merci:  Hey, guys, the bag is over here on the steps.

Sam:  I'm on my way!

Marcus:  I don't care if the bag says we're not supposed to get more than one a day.  I'm a growing boy.  I need edibles.

Buddy:  Jan wanted us to try these because they are supposed to help support healthy teeth and gums.

Marcus:  Chewy.com sent us a bag to review --

Merci: I think you might want to clarify that statement.  Chewy.com did not send us a bag to review.  They sent us a bag of Natural Balance Pumpkin & Chicken Meal Formula with Papaya Dental Chews for review.

Sam: We were not paid for this post.  Any opinions expressed are purely our own. 

An Extra Pile For Me

Sam:  We figure Jan should be thankful for this post.

Buddy:  Why?

Sam:  Because she might never catch another shot of us lined up like little angels waiting for our treats.

Marcus:  You notice Merci and I had our eyes on Jan, waiting for the word.  Buddy and Sam couldn't take their eyes off the treats.

Merci, Marcus, Buddy, Sam (l-r)

Merci:  Notice there are four piles, one for each of us.  But when Jan said, "Okay," Marcus went for the pile in front of me, Buddy grabbed the one in front of Marcus, Sam ate his own and then figured - hey, there's an extra pile, must be for me.  Yep, Sam ate two shares.  Me? I knew if I moved forward, I'd be trampled by the guys, so I sat and waited for the pigs ... um, my brothers to finish and Jan to give me some they couldn't steal.

Buddy:  The treats were Halo's Liv-A-Littles. which are 100% freeze-dried wild salmon.

Percy:  Fortunately, the treats are for both dogs and cats, so we all had some. 

Cyndi:  It makes a good protein snack or it could be crumbled over our breakfast.

Cameron:  I was napping on top of the fridge when Jan dropped some off for me.  I didn't even need to get up to taste test them. 

Micah:  Percy tried to steal mine but I chased him away. 

Rusty:  In case, you haven't noticed, the dogs all had their treats on the back steps.  But we kitties were each served in a different spot of our own choosing.  Poor dogs, they just don't know how to properly train Jan.

Marcus:  How do we do this, guys?  Do we take a vote?

Cyndi:  Not exactly.  We just tell everyone what we think of the product.  We all enjoyed the Halo Liv-A-Littles, so that's 9 paws up.  And it's -

Marcus:  9 paws up?  But Sam had a double portion.  Wouldn't that make it 10 paws up?

Rusty:  No, Sam only gets counted once, even though he hit the jackpot in the treat department.

Cyndi:  As I was saying, it's a healthy snack so Jan approves.

Rusty:  Chewy.com provided the sample for us to review, but we received no compensation and any opinions expressed are our own.

Buddy:  We wanted to post this earlier in the week but weren't able to, so we apologize for the timing.

Percy:  No need to apologize, Buddy.  It's Thankful Thursday.  We're all thankful for the treats.  And it's Thoughtless Thursday.  We can post on anything we want.  So we're good.

Thankful Thursday is hosted by Pepi Smart Dog. 

Thoughtless Thursday is co-hosted by Ruckus the Eskie and Love is being owned by a huskie.

Four Droolateers

Sam:  Hey, Jan, what are you doing out there?  You're supposed to be in here with us so we can taste test some treats.

Marcus:  I don't think she intends to come back inside.

Merci:  Well, gee, I wonder why?

Marcus:  I don't know.

Merci:  I was being facetious.  We already know why we're in here and Jan is out there.  It's because you got so excited when you smelled the new treats, you tried to push Jan down the steps.

Marcus:  I did not!  Oh, yeah, maybe I did.  I was just trying to make her move faster. And she didn't actually fall.  She just tottered a bit, went in the house and showed up on the other side of the fence. 

Buddy:  You didn't make her move faster.  You just scared the socks off Jan.  Remember all the accidents she had last week?  Oh, never mind.  Let's just do our post.

Sam:  We received a package of Herbsmith's Smiling Dog treats,  rabbit & duck and one chicken flavor.  We are excited to finally be able to taste test them. 

Merci:  These are freeze dried raw meat treats with no fillers, no preservatives, no grain and no additives.  The chicken treats are made from chicken, apples and spinach.  The rabbit & duck are rabbit, duck, broccoli and cranberry. 

Sam:  So how do they taste?  Get out of the way, Marcus!

Buddy:  Sam, you look a bit wild-eyed with your tongue out. You must have enjoyed the one you had.  My turn.

Sam:  Oh, yes, pass it through the fence, Jan.

Marcus: Get out of the way, Sam.  I almost have my tongue on it.

Merci:  Excuse me, Mr. Pushy Marcus.  I haven't had one yet.  This one is mine. (Notice Sam's chin above Marcus' head.)

Three of four Droolateers.

Cyndi:  When Jan came in the house after risking fingers handing out treats through the fence, she found Percy and Rusty had stolen an open bag off the computer desk.  Percy took off before Jan could get a shot, but Rusty continued eating. 

Percy:  When Rusty didn't get yelled at, I came back for seconds.

Rusty:  These sure are good!  How come we didn't get a bag of our own?

Cameron:  Probably because they're dog treats.  Since you guys pigged out, Jan gave the rest of us one.  I didn't care for it.

Cyndi:  I wouldn't eat one either.

Micah:  I don't know what your problem is, Cameron and Cyndi, but these are scrumptious.  Percy, Rusty and I don't mind eating your share.

Cyndi:  You don't mind stealing the bag either.  Jan had to crawl around the floor to find one bag so she could read the ingredient list.

Buddy:  So, we've got four canine paws up, three feline paws up and two feline paws down for a successful taste test of Herbsmith's Smiling Dog dog treats.  They were really tasty and Jan liked that they are purely natural.

Merci:  You might want to make it clear we canines and felines think they were tasty, not Jan.  She didn't taste any. We don't understand why, but that leaves more for us.

Sam:  We would like to thank Natural Pet Warehouse for providing us with the package samples.  We were not paid for this review and it is in our own words.

Percy:  We're sorry but there is no Mousebreath interview to publish this week. The Funny Farmer Felines will return next Friday with an exciting new interview.

Update:  We received this message today from an Alabama shelter we're very fond of.  We've posted on it a number of times over the years. The shelter was heavily damaged and several dogs were severely injured during the last line of severe storms that passed through.  They need help!


Before I continue, I want you to know that NO ANIMALS WERE HURT.

On Tuesday, the storm which had devastated so many states reached us. The straight line winds took down our wonderful storage building and all the food, equipment and supplies inside were lost. There is all kinds of junk in the road in front of the house. I think it came from the construction going on next door. There are hundreds of nails and other debris all over the yard.

The AC unit for the cats was blown into the creek, a total loss. The sheetrock in the new building being prepared for the cats was soaked and will have to be replaced.

All the litter boxes not in use were lost, I haven't found any of them. Eight tubs of litter were destroyed. When the storage bldg. came down the tubs were dropped to the ground and they broke open. That will take some hard shoveling to clean up.

Five gallons of gasoline was spread all over the yard along with 15 bales of wheat straw.

I only have three trees left in the yard. This means I will HAVE to build shade areas. as the dogs cannot live out in the sun without shelter from it.

I still haven't found the hoes or one shovel. I found the long-handled shovel and the rake in the pasture across the road.

Two carriers were lost and they were the only ones I had that were large enough for the dogs. They were broken beyond repair.

I found my weed-eater on the railroad tracks. Should say parts of it. Another thing to be replaced.

I am so totally devastated that I don't know if I am even making sense--but one thing is perfectly clear. We desperately need your help!!!

All Creatures Are Truly Special, Inc.
http://www.allcatsinc.org

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