FFHT Turkey Thief

MARCUS:  Oh, what are those?  They look like turkeys with the feathers still attached.

RUSTY:  They are.  Wild turkeys.  I wonder where Jan took this picture?

CYNDI:  In wild turkey country, obviously.

MERCI:  And that would be where?

MICAH:  Don't they have a state named after them?

BUDDY:  No.  You must be thinking of Tennessee, but they're famous for their Wild Turkey bourbon, not wild turkeys.

PERCY:  And you would know that how?

BUDDY:  I did a web search for wild turkeys.

SAM:  I sure would like to catch those wild turkeys.  There are five.  One for each of us and the cats could split the fifth.  The fifth wild turkey, not a fifth of bourbon.

MARCUS:  Have any of you ever caught a wild turkey before?  Did you eat it all or spit out the feathers?

RUSTY:  None of us have ever gone wild turkey hunting.  That's a good question.  The turkey Jan brought home for Thanksgiving was bald and smelled heavenly in the oven.

MERCI:  I wish we could have had some of it.

MICAH:  Oh, it tasted better than it smelled in the oven.

PERCY:  How do you know that?

MICAH:  I had some.

CYNDI:  Jan gave you some and we didn't get any?  How did you rate?

MICAH:  I didn't "rate".  I helped myself.  It was cooling on the stovetop and ... well, you know how I like to nap there when it's cold and Jan isn't around.

BUDDY:  And you just helped yourself? 

MICAH:  Well, there it was under my nose, so, yes, I helped myself.

SAM:  And you didn't share?

MICAH:  I didn't want to call attention to what I was doing.  So after I ate all that turkey I could handle, I jumped down and napped in the big chair.  It was a great Thanksgiving.

**********

BUDDY:  Evidently when we write one of these monthly Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails posts, we will have to put a disclaimer on it so you will know it's greatly exaggerated.

SAM:  This week we had to use the phrase "after I ate all that turkey".

CYNDI:  Yes, Micah DID eat a good bit of Jan's chicken cooling on the stove recently but she did not buy and roast a turkey for Thanksgiving.  We haven't had a working oven for over a year.

PERCY:  So this time Micah is innocent.  But next post he could very well be guilty!  So don't be fooled.  Strange things do happen around here but this wasn't one of them.

MICAH:  We actually had ham yesterday.  Thank you, Mr. Mark (for whom Marcus was named), for providing the ham and telling Jan she had to share with us.

MERCI:  But the entire post is not a "furry tail".  Jan did take the picture of the wild turkeys. 

Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails blog hop is hosted by Murphy and Stanley, the handsome mini goldendoodles.

It's also time for the weekly Friday Pet Parade blog hop hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky.

Halloween Bleeding Pumpkin FFHT

MERCI:  Have you ever heard the Halloween story of the bleeding pumpkin?

MARCUS:  No, Is it a good one?

CYNDI:  Oh, you better believe it's good.

RUSTY:  You know that Jan doesn't do Halloween decorating.  Have you ever wondered why?

MARCUS:  Yes, I have.  But I figured we can't afford to decorate.

SAM:  Actually, before your time, Jan got a big pumpkin to carve for Halloween.  She figured if other people can carve one, she could too.

MICAH:  So we all sat down to watch a spooky Halloween show on the TV while Jan sat at the desk with a large knife and carved a face on the pumpkin.

BUDDY:  Just before the last commercial, there was a frightening scream behind us.  We all turned and there was the pumpkin with wide eyes and big teeth.  Blood was gushing out it's mouth and dripping from its eyes.

PERCY:  I ran over and Jan's hand with the knife was inside the pumpkin/  Blood was spurting out of her wrist and through the pumpkin's eyes and mouth.

MARCUS:  Jan cut herself with the knife?

CYNDI:  That's what we thought too, but Jan was screaming that the pumpkin bit her.

MARCUS:  Bit her?  But pumpkins don't bite.  Er ... do they?

MERCI:  That one must.  I dialed 9-1-1 with my nose for an ambulance.   An E.M.T. said he could see what appeared to be large tooth marks in her wrist. 

RUSTY:  Jan was taken away to the Emergency Room to stop the bleeding.  After a while, two police officers came and read the pumpkin its rights.

SAM:  They carried it outside, put it in the back seat of a squad car, and drove away.  We never saw it again.

MARCUS:  What about Jan?

MICAH:  Oh, yes, we saw Jan again. 

BUDDY:   It was a traumatic night.   After that I never turned my back on another pumpkin. And we have never decorated for Halloween again.

It is Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails day over at Murphy and Stanley's blog.

PERCY:  Our latest cat interview of Finnegan  and his siblings, Daily Wisdom of 7 Cats and Counting, has published at Mousebreath, the ezine for cats.

Join the Pet Parade blog hop hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky.

Merci's Purple FFHT

 PERCY:  Hey, Merci, what happened to you.  Your toes are purple on one paw. 

MERCI:  I know.  It's a long story.

PERCY:  I have time.

MERCI:  Well, I was sound asleep when all of a sudden my paw was stomped!  I opened my eyes and it was Marcus in one of his playful moods.  He knows he isn't supposed to roughhouse in the house, but he was leaping and barking and trying to get Sam to play.

PERCY:  But Sam doesn't like to play with Marcus.  Marcus plays rough.

MERCI:  Yes, Sam doesn't remember when he did the same to Buddy and me.  He's almost twice Marcus's size, so he played rough too.

PERCY:  So Marcus stomped your foot and that's why your toes are purple?  That wasn't a long story.

MERCI:  I wasn't finished.  I leaped to my feet to get out of Marcus's way and stepped on a cat ball with the same paw.

PERCY:  Ouch!

MERCI: I tried to limp around Marcus when Sam did a sudden spin and he stomped the same foot!  I thought someone had dropped a concrete block on my paw.

PERCY:  Wow, that would really hurt.

MERCI:  I wanted to get out of the way, so I limped to my bed in the bedroom where I lay down and tried to nurse my throbbing paw.

PERCY:  That's some big purple bruise.

MERCI:  Actually, the bruise doesn't show.  Jan wasn't watching where she was walking and she tripped over my bed, spilling grape juice on my painful paw.  And that's why my toes turned purple.

NOTE:  Now before anyone gets upset, this is Fractured Fryday Hairy Tales day and we needed a story to go with this month's phrase, " And that's why my toes turned purple."  So we made this up.  Merci is fine.  No woofie was injured in the writing of this story.  Since this is a house of accidents, though, we thought we should tell you that this one is not true.  :)

Fractured Fryday is hosted by Murphy and Stanley's blog.  The rules are under the FFHT tab.


RUSTY:  Well, now that we're done with fairy tales, let's get to a true story.

CYNDI:  This week we interview Lola and Lexy from the Lola the Rescued Cat blog.

MICAH:  Two lovely sisfurs who blog to bring attention to rescued pets.

PERCY:  Their story, Heart Singing Lola and Heart Melting Lexy, can be read exclusively at Mousebreath, the ezine for cats.


Join the Pet Parade blog hop hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky. 

Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails

CYNDI:  How well I remember the day of the crime.  Jan returned from shopping and put everything away.  Except ...

BUDDY:  Except for one large bag, which sat on the floor near the front door.  Invitingly, tantalizingly sat near the front door.

RUSTY:   Jan didn't know what caused her to realize something was wrong.  Perhaps it was that the room was so quiet.

MERCI:  Yes, that is one possibility. But perhaps it was the pile of kibble on the floor that gave away the crime.

MICAH:  Or perhaps it was the two dogs munching on kibble that gave them away.  The canines are not served lunch and certainly not served on a mat by the front door.

SAM:  It wasn't my idea, but how could I resist those inviting morsels of kibble lying there just begging to be scarfed down?  It was Marcus who tore the hole in the bag.  I just helped him clean up the mess.

MARCUS:  Yes, I was the culprit.  I admit it.  I hadn't eaten in days .. or was it hours?  Anyway, the bag ... it smelled like food.  How could I resist?  I couldn't.  I didn't. I'm only sorry I got caught.  Jan duct taped the bag and put it away where I couldn't reach it.  *deep sigh* 

******

We haven't remembered to or been able to participate in Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails in a loooooong time.  The phrase we had to use this month was, "It smelled like ..."   Around here, "it smelled like food" is a popular phrase.  For example:  the dish towel has a big hole in it because it smelled like food. 

FFHT is hosted by Murphy and Stanley.


PERCY:  We do not have a Mousebreath cat interview to publish this week. We are working on several but there were not enough hours in the week to finish preparing.  However, be sure to visit us next Friday when we will be interviewing the blog 15 and Meowing.  15 feline personalities make for a fun story. 

Friday is also time for the Pet Parade blog hop, hosted by by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou, Love is being owned by a husky, and us (Jan's Funny Farm).

There are two parts to the blog hop - your blog url and social media, so be sure to sign up for both. 

When you link up with the blog hop, we encourage you to visit other participating blogs.

FFHT Treats

MARCUS:  I didn't do it.  I didn't do it.  I didn't do it.  I ...

PERCY:  What are you babbling, Marcus?

MARCUS:  Whatever you're all whispering about, I didn't do it!

CYNDI:  Of course you didn't Marcus.  Not this time.

MARCUS:  I didn't?  Are you sure?

RUSTY:  Of course we're sure.  And we have photographic proof. 

MARCUS:  You do?  Can I see it?

BUDDY:  Here you are, Marcus.  Before Jan left the house yesterday, she opened a new bag of treats and gave all us dogs one. When she returned, there was nothing left of all those treats except the shredded plastic bag they were in.  You can see the mess between your crate and Sam.  That's Merci trying to hide behind him.

SAM:  We greeted Jan at the door and tried to tell her someone broke in while she was gone and stole the treat bag, but we forgot about the telltale plastic. 

MERCI:  Now Sam and I are in trouble.  Not just for stealing the treats but for pigging out right in front of your crate and not sharing with you, Marcus.  We're sorry we made you suffer.  We know how you love to eat.

CAMERON:  Jan was so upset she told me, "It was the worst New Year's resolution that I ever made! I should never have promised the dogs I would try to remember to give them treats more often.  Look what happened when I tried to be nice."

MICAH: I think this is actually kind of funny, Marcus.  The one time you are truly innocent, you're closed in your crate and have an alibi. 

Note:  Everything in this post is factual, except for Jan's words.  We needed the one line for a Fractured Fryday Hairy Tales post.

The Fractured Fryday blog hop is hosted the last Friday of each month by Murphy and Stanley. 

Click on the FFHT page on their blog for information on how to join and what information to include.

The Pet Parade blog hop is hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou, Love is being owned by a husky, and us (Jan's Funny Farm).

Who is this week's Featured Favorite?  Check it out at Rascal & Rocco's. 

There are two parts to the blog hop - your blog url and social media, so be sure to sign up for both. 

When you link up with the blog hop, we encourage you to visit other participating blogs.

FFHT and Siameezers

Micah:  We decided to try something new and do a Fractured Fryday Hairy Tails (FFHT) post, which is hosted by Murphy and Stanley. 

Cameron:  But we're not very good at writing stories so we've had a problem coming up with one.

Merci:  We have to use a specific phrase in the story.  Do any of you have an idea?

Percy:  *races into room and slides to a stop*  Stop the presses!  Buddy and I have solved the problem.

Buddy:  *panting*  Yes, we hope you haven't started writing anything yet.  A package was just delivered.  Jan brought it inside and left it by the door.

Rusty:  But how does that help us?  It's supposed to be a scary tale, isn't it?  What's so scary about a box?

Marcus:  Is it a box of treats for us?  That wouldn't be scary.

Cyndi:  Unless it's a box of spiders.  I don't like spiders.

Sam:  Why would anyone pay to ship us a box of spiders?

Percy:  No one did, Sam.  But there is something in the box that is very scary.

Micah:  What would anyone send us a box of stuff that's scary?

Buddy:  Jan ordered it.

Marcus:  Jan ordered something?  Yes, that is scary.  *chuckles*

Rusty:  So what is in the box? 

Percy:  Come see for yourself.  It will scare the socks off of all of you.

Sam:  We don't wear socks.  But this sounds serious.  Do I need to wear my Thundershirt for this?

Cameron:  If it will scare the fleas off of us, I'm game.

Cyndi:  I'm starting to get a bit nervous with all this scary talk.  I'm not sure I want a fright. 

Percy:  Aw, don't be wimps.  Come on.  Buddy, you lift that flap and I'll lift this one.  Gather round, all of you, for the surprise of your life.

Buddy:  When I opened the box, I was startled to find...

Chorus:  Eeeeeeeek!

Percy:  I wonder what caused them to run away?  There's nothing in the box but new business cards with our Funny Farmers picture on them.

Buddy:  I know.  Do you think it's something we said?  They didn't even wait around for us to tell them the scary part is that Jan remembered to order them for us.

Cyndi:  Today is also our Mousebreath interview day.  Pipo and Minko, the cats from WeBeesSiameezers, are new to blogging.  This is a great opportunity for other bloggers to get acquainted with them.  They are Catster refugees.  (Sorry Catster, your loss is blogging's gain.)

Rusty:  We hope you will stop by Mousebreath to read their story, Pipo and Minko, Valentine Siameezers.  

If you are a blogger, we hope you will join Rascal and Rocco's Pet Parade.

It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking from the Bayou, Love is being owned by a husky and us (Jan's Funny Farm).