Southern Dialect Goose

Marcus:  Honk, honk, honk -

Cyndi:  What's the matter, Marcus?  Do you have a cold?

Marcus:  No.  I'm practicing my honks.

Cyndi:  Oh, you're on the driving kick again and you're pretending to be a car horn?

Marcus:  Of course not.  All of you made fun of me when I insisted I can speak fluent goose.  (Late for a Recital ) You insisted geese honk and don't have a second language, so I'm practicing my honking to see if they understand me any better.  I doubt it, but I'm willing to try since we're going to have more geese than this arriving soon for the cold weather.

Cyndi:  You do know today is Flashback Friday and you honking does not constitute a flashback?

Marcus:  It's a flashback for me.  I'm remembering all those great conversations I've had with geese.

Cyndi:  And I'm remembering all the delusions you're posted about speaking geese ... er, goose.  You know, bird!    (Swiss Cheese Theory.  Marcus Two Step.  Mister I Speak Geese.  A Honkless Holiday.  Translating Goose to Dog.  Giggle of Goose Gaggle.  Marcus Speaks Geese.)

Marcus:  Hey, thanks for gathering our conversations together so I can go back and review them.  It will make it easier to compare results over time.  I'll be very surprised if they can understand me when I honk, but if I work on my accent, it should work.

Cyndi:  Of course, that's it!  You have to honk in the same dialect as the arriving geese and most of them don't speak with a Southern accent.

Marcus:  I'm glad you understand.  The rest of the Funny Farmers think I'm off my trolley.

Cyndi:  You speak geese with a Southern drawl.  What's not to understand?  **cough, cough**

Marcus:  Are you okay?  You haven't caught the cold I don't have, have you?

Cyndi:  No, no, I'm fine, just have a goose feather tickling my funny bone.

We are joining Flashback Friday.  To see other blog entries and/or to enter your own blog, visit the Five Sibes.

Percy:  And don't forget, we Funny Farmer Felines have another Mousebreath interview today.  You can read Gidget Bluesky and Honey Sunshine at Mousebreath.

And joining Feline Friday at Comedy Plus.

Today's Post

*Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll*

Cyndi:  Hey, today's post is missing.  Where did it go?

Merci:  It didn't go anywhere.  We didn't write one.

Cyndi:  We did post an interview on Mousebreath, didn't we?

Merci:  No.

Cyndi:  Did we do anything for today?

Merci:  No.  You know Jan has been doing hard labor these last months in the heat and humidity and to say she's been creaky and crabby and running way behind on everything would be an understatement.

Cyndi:  Isn't that what we pay her the big bucks for?

Merci:  We don't have any big bucks!

Cyndi:  Okay, I got a bit carried away, but we don't have opposing thumbs so we can't clean up after ourselves or whip this yard into shape with a skinny weed eater, so maybe we should order some braces for her tottering legs and a scarecrow rack to keep her upright. 

Merci:  Have you considered how impossible it would be for Jan to feed us or change our litter with her arms sticking straight out in midair?  Why don't we just have a quiet weekend and stay out of her way so she doesn't fall on one of us.

Cyndi:  Well, it was mean of her to wait until 10 p.m. to tell us if we wanted to write a post, we had better be quick about it.

Merci:  And then there was that big bolt of lightning and she turned off the computer before Percy could even sit down at the computer.

Cyndi:  To be fair, it was too late for us old furries to start weaving the pieces of an interview together. Percy would have fallen asleep on the keyboard and we know from past experience what havoc that can wreak!

Merci:  Today was shot because Jan had something important that had to be done on the computer!

Cyndi:  Hopefully, next week will be easier and we will post  another Mousebreath interview. *scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll*  Jan needs to get her act together so we have more computer time.  Everyone is going to forget us because we are rarely posting any more.

Merci:  Don't worry, Cyndi, we'll always have Marcus's friends the geese.

Cyndi:  I didn't know geese read blogs.

Merci:  Well, surely if geese hold recitals and singalongs (Late for a Recital)  they have a channel on YouTube..  And while they're online, I'm sure they stop by to read about Marcus, their biggest fan.

Late for a Recital

Mo:  Look who's coming this way!

Minnie:   Oh, no, it's that dog that thinks he speaks goose.

Mo:  Has anyone told him all geese are not named Minnie or Mo?

Minnie:  I doubt it.  He has a hearing problem.

Mo:  How do you know that: 

Minnie:  Listen to this.  "HONK, HONK!"

Marcus:  Hey, Buddy, did you hear that?  Minnie just yelled, "Hey Marcus, good to see you again."

Buddy:  Are you sure?  I just heard, "Honk, honk."

Marcus:  Of course, I'm sure.  I speak fluent goose.

Mo:  "Honk, honk, hoooonk!"

Buddy:  If Minnie is so glad to see you, why are all the geese waddling off in the other direction?

Marcus:  Mo said they're sorry they have to go, but they're late for a recital.

Buddy:  They're late for a what?

Marcus:  A recital.  Or did he say they're late for a singalong?  The two words are very similar in goose, you know.

Swiss Cheese Theory

Percy:  We had a post in mind for today but we have forgotten what it was supposed to be, so we're going to wing it.

Marcus:  Speaking of winging it, my old friends the geese don't visit as often as they used to but they do still come to check on me every once in a while.

Percy:  They don't come to check on you!  They stop at the mill to rest and eat.

Marcus:  Oh, yeah?  Then why was their leader honking my name?

Percy:  I don't know.  Maybe one of his wives is named Marcia and you just mis-heard him  

Marcus:  I have 20/20 hearing and I do not mis-hear!

Percy:  I didn't know anyone has 20/20 hearing, but if anyone does, it would be you.

Marcus:  Thank you.  

Percy:  I do notice the geese are always moving but never moving toward you. 

Marcus:  That's because Buddy and Merci are with me - Jan too - and the geese are wary of strangers.

Percy:  They're always with you, so how can they be strangers? 

Marcus:  They don't speak goose.  If you want to make friends, you have to speak the language.

Percy:  If you are such an expert, why don't you teach them the language?

Marcus:  They're all too old to learn.  Once you pass a certain age, your brain turns into Swiss cheese and everything you hear falls out the holes in your head.

Percy:  Where did you hear that? 

Marcus:  I heard Jan telling someone that since she's gotten old, most everything she hears goes in one ear and out the holes in her head.

Percy:  And from that you got the Swiss cheese theory?

Marcus:  Of course!  Everyone knows Swiss cheese is full of holes.

Percy:  So is your theory!  Have you considered psychotherapy?

Marcus:  Yes, but sitting all day listening to everyone's problems doesn't interest me.

Percy:  I wasn't asking if you want to become a psychotherapist.  I was suggesting you be the patient.

Marcus:  Thanks for your concern but I don't have any problems.  And the geese are waiting for me.  Gotta run!

Marcus Two-Step

Micah:  Is it true what I heard about Marcus honking again?

Marcus.

Buddy:  It depends on what you heard.  If you heard he was communicating with geese again, that's sort of true.

Micah:  How can it be "sort of" true?

Buddy:  Well, Marcus sort of thinks he was communicating with geese again.   I couldn't attest that either species was on the same honking dialect.  In fact, I am pretty certain they weren't.

Micah: How can you be sure?

Buddy:  As we walked closer, the geese backed up and began to two-step to our left.

Micah:  So why did Marcus come home so proud of himself?

Buddy:  He thinks he taught them to dance.


PS:  Regarding yesterday's post - Flat Black Flying Insect -  where Jan was stung by the mystery insect.  (She only saw it squashed for a second.)  She tried to cut the same bushes in the rain yesterday, hoping things would be uneventful.  Before long, there were insects flying around, so she retreated.

She really wants to find out where they are hiding, so when it rained a little harder, she thought she would try again.  They came out again.  She came in the house to get her reading glasses.  Wearing them, she was able to stand on the porch and locate one upside down through an opening in the bush.  W- A - S - P!

We've had wasps flying around "on" our porch for years.  Never found where they came from and they never bothered us.  Wasps in the bushes is something new.  These didn't actually bother Jan either.  She researched over the weekend and found wasps can build a nest in a bush and be highly aggressive to someone just walking by.  But there is no nest in these bushes!

Wonder what kind of wasps these could be?  She accidentally "attacked" the wasp that stung her, not the other way around, and so far they haven't bothered her, but Jan is terrified they won't take kindly to repeated disturbances.   Those bushes have got to be trimmed!  Any safe advice?

Mr. I Speak Geese

Marcus: You'll never guess who I saw on our walk the other day?

Rusty:  The geese Minnie and Mo.

Marcus:  Yes.  How did you know?

Rusty:  When you got home, Buddy and Merci told us you had been carrying on a conversation with yourself again.

Marcus:  They're just jealous because they don't speak geese.  Er, goose.  Bird, they don't speak bird.

Rusty:  So what did the geese have to say this time?

Marcus:  Mo started honking as soon as he saw us coming.  He said he was so glad to see me again.  It's been a while and he missed my face.  Or maybe he said he missed my ears.  I had a hard time translating that part, but he did miss something about me.

Rusty:  Wait.  Did you say he missed your ears?  Seriously?

Marcus:  I'm not sure.  We don't speak the same dialect.

Rusty:  Are you sure he didn't suggest you clean your ears?

Marcus:  Why would he do that?

Rusty:  I heard a rumor that dogs with dirty ears hear things that aren't ... uh, real.

Marcus:  They do?  Maybe that's Merci's problem.  She keeps complaining I scream in her ear when we set out on a walk, and you all know I'm the calmest dog you know.  I never scream.  I think I'll go suggest Jan clean Merci's ears.

Cyndi:  Where's Marcus off to now?

Rusty:  I think he's going to suggest Jan clean Merci's ears so Merci doesn't hear him screaming when he's excited.

Cyndi:  That doesn't make any sense.

Rusty:  I know that and you know that, but Mr. I Speak Geese hasn't a clue.

A Honkless Holiday

Percy:  So what's the story on your exciting walk last week?

Buddy:  We were walking and suddenly Marcus screamed - screamed, mind you - Hey, Minnie, hey, Mo!  You brought your family this time.

Rusty::  Who was he screaming at?

Merci:  Geese.  He thinks all geese are named Minnie and Mo. 

Percy:  So what did the geese say?

Buddy:  Nothing.  They just stared at us like we were weird.  Mo is a honker so I guess Minnie and Mo weren't present.

Merci:  Since the geese wouldn't talk to us, Marcus wanted Jan to run home to get his sign.  She refused. 

Percy:  If I remember correctly, Marcus speaks goose with a Southern accent and Minnie and Mo spoke Canadian.  What dialect you suppose these geese spoke?

Buddy:   Is silence a dialect?  They never made a sound.

Percy:  Oh, that's why Marcus came home all upset.  He came in muttering, Those stuck up out of towners!

Marcus:  *enters room*  Hey, guys, I just figured out why those geese wouldn't honk at me the other day.

Buddy:  Why?

Marcus:  It was a honkless holiday.  I think I hear the treat bag rustling in the kitchen.

Percy:  What's a honkless holiday?

Buddy:  I have no idea.  But this is Thankful Thursday.and I'm sure thankful you and Merci didn't ask him.


Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.  

Translating Goose to Dog

Minnie:  What are you staring at so intently?

Mo:  You see those two dogs over there?  The one on the right is  called Marcus and he thinks he speaks goose.

Minnie:  So you're going to attack him?

Mo:  No, I'm going to honk at him until his ears burn.

Marcus:  Hey, Buddy, I'm so glad we ran into Minnie and Mo again.  Jan won't let me wear my sign in public (Giggle of Goose Gaggle) but Mo is honking at me anyway.  He says he really looks forward to seeing me on our walks.

Buddy:  You can't honestly believe a goose looks forward to seeing you.

Marcus:  Of course I do.  Mo wouldn't lie. 

Buddy:  But what if you're translating geese ... er, goosespeak wrong?

Marcus:  Here, I'll translate for you.  Mo says, "Marcus is my best friend, except for you, Minnie.  It's a shame he doesn't have wings.  He could fly away with us."

Minnie:  Mo, I think you need to calm down a bit and stop honking at that Marcus dog. 

Mo:  I've been speaking my opinion of him at full volume for ten minutes and that dog thinks I'm flattering him.  

Minnie:  Perhaps he needs his hearing checked.

Mo:  Maybe he needs a dictionary!

Minnie:  Oh, I know.  He's having a problem with your accent.  We're Canadian Geese.  Marcus is a Georgia dog.  They speak Southern Drawl here.

Giggle of Goose Gaggle

Cyndi: Marcus, if you're trying to pretend you're a long-necked goose, you're failing.

Micah:  He's not pretending to be a goose.  He's pretending to have all his faculties.

Cyndi:  But why is he posing with his snoot in the air and a sign around his neck?

Micah:  Because Frankie and Ernie left a comment on yesterday's post (Marcus Speaks Geese) that said, "We have always heard that COMMUNICATION is a Two Way Street... and that it is not EASY to make your TRUE intentions known to others... hehehhehe SO sometimes there CAN be some Confusion... RIGHT???? BUTT, you go ahead and stick to your interpretation of what those GEESE were sayin to you... You could make a SIGN that says ...  HONK if you want to be MY FUREND... That should clear thingys up.

Cyndi:  Frankie keeps saying Ernie lies. Why would Marcus actually do what those guys suggested?

Micah:  He thought it sounded like a good idea at the time.  At least he's not wearing his breakfast on his chin. 

Marcus:  Is this better?  I told Jan to try to include my face this time.

Cyndi:  You look a little -

Marcus:   - aristocratic?

Cyndi:  No, a little arrogant in this picture, Marcus. 

Marcus:  I wanted to wear this sign on our walk Monday evening but Jan said she didn't want to be seen in public with me wearing it.

Micah:  You'd probably be the giggle of the goose gaggle.

Marcus:  There was no gaggle.  Just Minnie and Mo again and even without my sign, he honked and honked at me before they flew away.

Cyndi:  That's okay, Marcus.  Even if you had been wearing your sign, I'm not sure geese can read -

Marcus:  - English?

Cyndi:  No, I was going to say, I'm not sure geese can read your writing. 

Earlier this month, Bacon set up this Wags and Wave for a Forrest Day posting today.  Forrest was the beloved dog of our friend Fozziemom (Bev) from All Fur One and One Fur All.  And then on Sunday - Mother's Day - Bacon's family quickly and unexpectedly lost a beloved furry of their own - Mouse Cat.

Marcus Speaks Geese

Marcus:  Hey, Rusty, have you met my new friends?

Rusty:  You have friends? 

Marcus:  Oh, yes, I have a lot of friends.

Merci:  He saw these two on his afternoon walk for two days in a row.  Then they flew off and he hasn't seen them since.

Marcus:  Their names are Minnie and Mo. 

Rusty:  How do you know their names?

Marcus:  They introduced themselves. 

Rusty:  I doubt that.  I think you named them.

Merci:  They wandered around the mill for two days with one honking steadily.

Marcus:  He wasn't honking.  He was inviting me to come play with them.

Rusty:  He was inviting you to come play?  You speak geese ... goose ... whatever?

Merci:  No, he has a hearing problem.  The goose was honking for him to go away but Marcus preferred to hear otherwise. 

Marcus:  You just wait until they return.  They'll tell you what they think of me.

Rusty:  Oh, I'm sure they will.  I'm just not sure it will be what you think you heard.

A Giggle of Geese

RUSTY:  The dogs have been hogging the blog for a few days, so we're taking it over for today.

MICAH:  This should be our first Mousebreath interview post under the new, supposedly easier, less work, and faster turnaround format.  However -

CYNDI:  Yes, however, we only had one response and he hasn't returned the questions with answers yet.

PERCY:  But under the new relaxed format, we aren't going to worry about it.  Less work for us if no one wants to be interviewed.

CYNDI:  Not that we don't want anyone to apply.  We just aren't going to stress about it.  Cool cats, that's us!

MICAH:  However - there's that word again - we have a fun post for you today.  We have -

PERCY:  Hey, what's Marcus doing here?  None of the dogs were invited.  Deliberately not invited.

MARCUS:  But I have a story from yesterday's walk with Jan that I just have to tell.

RUSTY: Your story from yesterday's walk is being written for Saturday's post.  That's tomorrow.

MARCUS:  But this story isn't about me.  It's about Jan.  She lost some marbles.

PERCY:  Jan lost more marbles? 

MARCUS:  A couple of guys think so.  We lost a whole giggle of geese by the mill yesterday.

CYNDI:  How did you lose a whole -?  Did you say a giggle of geese?  Do you mean a gaggle of geese?  That applies only if they were not in flight.

PERCY:  It doesn't matter what Marcus calls them - giggle, gaggle, flock - or whether or not they were in flight.  We don't have any geese to lose.

MARCUS:  When we were doing a second lap near where we sometimes see geese, we heard a whole flock of giggles ... I mean, geese honking behind us.  We turned around and there were a lot of them flying in formation .  Jan wished there was time to get the camera out to video them but they flew overhead so fast there was no time.  They circled around and come in for a landing.  As they came down, they flew right over our heads, honking away.

MICAH:  That's it?  What does that have to do with Jan's marbles?

MARCUS:  You didn't wait for me to finish.  We watched them through the tree branches as they flew low overhead.  And then they just disappeared.  We turned around to see where they'd landed and no honking, no geese.  They all just disappeared.  Jan was so shocked she walked over to the fence and walked up and down looking for some sign of the birds.  The two guys working inside the fence kept watching us.  I tried to tell them Jan was looking for geese, but they had this "she's lost her marbles?" look.  I walk Jan every day so I recognize that look.  I know they weren't close but I have excellent distance vision.  Poor Jan.  She never did find the geese.  Or any marbles.  It's a mystery how so many big birds could disappear into thin air.

PERCY:  So you have excellent eyesight and hearing but you don't know where the birds went either?

MARCUS:  Of course not!  I can't see over the back of my head!  My ears are in the way.


Join the Pet Parade blog hop hosted by Rascal and Roscoe.  It is co-hosted by Bionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Love is being owned by a husky.

Run Like I Have Wings

CYNDI:  I don't think it's fair.  You dogs get to walk Jan so you have some excitement in your lives.

MICAH:  Yeah, we get everything second hand.  Why doesn't Jan get a stroller and take us cats with you?

PERCY:  We long for the day when we can see everything for ourselves instead of just hearing about things afterward.

MARCUS:  Hey, that's a good idea.  I'm brave so I could be your bodyguard. I was attacked by that bird dog last spring and a Basset Hound has been coming after me for weeks trying to pick a fight, so, for sure, I'd have your back.

RUSTY:  Oh, we forgot about things like that.  Perhaps we should be thankful we don't have to leave the house, after all.

BUDDY:  We have seen geese a good bit on our walks, but either Jan forgot her camera or by the time she gets it out, they have marched off and they're so tiny we can't tell they're in the picture.

MERCI:  We saw a whole bunch recently but when Jan got her camera out, most of them had disappeared over the hill and these were all that were left we could see.

SAM:  Jan had to zoom in and crop them in the picture, but here you have photographic proof we dogs almost had a goose snack.

CYNDI:  Sam, you know you are thankful the geese went the other way.  What would you have done if they had come toward you?

SAM: I would have run like I have wings!  Those geese are quite intimidating.

BUDDY:  I haven't quite figured out what they're saying yet, but I think it's something like, "Woofer alert!  All females and adolescents retire quietly while the rest of us honk threats."

MARCUS:  Oh, so that's what they're saying.  I always thought they were inviting me to join them.  I yell, "Wait for me, wait for me", but they just waddle faster.

Stop by Pepi Smart Dog for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.  (There is always something to be thankful for!)

And stop by Ruckus the Eskie, Love is being owned by a husky, and Barking from the bayou for the Thoughtless Thursday blog hop.