Swiss Cheese Theory

Percy:  We had a post in mind for today but we have forgotten what it was supposed to be, so we're going to wing it.

Marcus:  Speaking of winging it, my old friends the geese don't visit as often as they used to but they do still come to check on me every once in a while.

Percy:  They don't come to check on you!  They stop at the mill to rest and eat.

Marcus:  Oh, yeah?  Then why was their leader honking my name?

Percy:  I don't know.  Maybe one of his wives is named Marcia and you just mis-heard him  

Marcus:  I have 20/20 hearing and I do not mis-hear!

Percy:  I didn't know anyone has 20/20 hearing, but if anyone does, it would be you.

Marcus:  Thank you.  

Percy:  I do notice the geese are always moving but never moving toward you. 

Marcus:  That's because Buddy and Merci are with me - Jan too - and the geese are wary of strangers.

Percy:  They're always with you, so how can they be strangers? 

Marcus:  They don't speak goose.  If you want to make friends, you have to speak the language.

Percy:  If you are such an expert, why don't you teach them the language?

Marcus:  They're all too old to learn.  Once you pass a certain age, your brain turns into Swiss cheese and everything you hear falls out the holes in your head.

Percy:  Where did you hear that? 

Marcus:  I heard Jan telling someone that since she's gotten old, most everything she hears goes in one ear and out the holes in her head.

Percy:  And from that you got the Swiss cheese theory?

Marcus:  Of course!  Everyone knows Swiss cheese is full of holes.

Percy:  So is your theory!  Have you considered psychotherapy?

Marcus:  Yes, but sitting all day listening to everyone's problems doesn't interest me.

Percy:  I wasn't asking if you want to become a psychotherapist.  I was suggesting you be the patient.

Marcus:  Thanks for your concern but I don't have any problems.  And the geese are waiting for me.  Gotta run!

Listening to Tendonitis

Percy:  Hey, Merci, what are you staring at?

Merci:  I'm not staring.  I'm listening to my tendonitis.

Percy:  I didn't know tendonitis could talk.  Does it sing too?

Merci:  Not on key.  It's an annoying buzzing and humming and screeching in my ears.

Percy:  Oh, if it's in your ears you mean tinnitus. Wait!  I thought you don't hear very well any more?

Merci:  I don't but I can certainly hear this.  It's giving me a headache.

Percy:  How long have you had this problem?

Merci  I don't know.  Perhaps five minutes or so.  I wish the racket would go away.

Percy:   You've only had this problem for about the last five minutes?

Merci:  Yes.

Percy:  You don't have tinnitus. You have janitis.

Merci:  That's not fatal, is it?

Percy:  If it is, we'll all go to the bridge together.  The buzzing, humming and screeching noise you've been hearing is Jan ... um, singing.  Loudly!  I think she's practicing for a caterwauling contest.

Merci:  Well, I wish she would practice somewhere else! 

Percy:   Try to imagine what it's like for those of us who aren't hearing-impaired.

Merci:  Do you know where Jan keeps the earplugs?

Percy:  I don't think she has any.

Merci:  Then let's go find Buddy.  He can reach the bag of cotton balls. 

Hearing Aid Alarm Clock

Merci:  I need a hearing aid.  Does anyone have an extra hearing aid?

Cyndi:  I don't think anyone who uses one carries a spare.  Why are you asking?

Merci:  I need one.   You know my hearing is pretty well shot.

Cyndi:  I sure do.  For some time now the whole neighborhood has been listening to Jan yell for you.  At the top of her lungs, no less.

Merci:  Well, at least she has figured out she either has to come touch me or give a high-pitched whistle.

Cyndi:  I like it when she tells you it's time to come in from the dog pen with a spray bottle.  I didn't realize a  bottle could spray that distance.

Merci:  It's not so neat when I'm standing around enjoying the quiet and suddenly water starts raining on me.

Cyndi:  You have to admit it's a better solution than Jan yelling late at night and waking the neighbors.

Merci:  She could come get me.

Cyndi:  You know how she hates those back steps, especially in the dark.  Plus, she could fall in one of those holes you or Marcus keep digging.  But why would you suddenly want a hearing aid?

Merci:  Because Mr. Doug was here Sunday and I almost missed him.  He was standing right beside me and I almost slept through his visit.

Cyndi:  He was only here a few minutes and he stood just a couple feet away telling Jan how to connect the new modem switch.   How could you sleep through Marcus's wild greeting?

Merci:  I didn't hear him.  Mr. Doug is my favorite person.

Cyndi:  I wouldn't announce that to Jan.

Merci:  You're right.  He's my favorite human other than Jan.  If he hadn't wakened me, I would have missed a rare opportunity to see him.  At my age, there might not be that many opportunities left.

Cyndi:  Hmm, what you need is a hearing aid alarm clock and it just so happens we have one of those right here in this house.

Merci:  We do?  Where is it?

Cyndi:  Asleep in his crate with the door open.

Merci:  You can't mean Marcus!

Marcus:  Hey, I heard my name.  Is it dinnertime?

Cyndi:  Not yet, but Merci needs a hearing aid alarm clock. With all the noise you make, you're perfect for the position.

Marcus:  Okay, but I hear overtime pays better so I'll work overtime hours first and then we can fit regular hours into my schedule.

Cyndi:  But you can't work overtime until ....

Merci:  Never mind.  He lives in his own universe.