Marcus the Hero

Marcus:  As you all know, I am very dignified and sober.  So imagine my surprise a couple of Saturdays ago when there was a loud disturbance in the house. To the best of my recollection, it went something like this.

Marcus:  Jan, get off the phone. Quickly!  There's a strange noise.  I think we have a gas leak.

Jan:  Oh, my brave boy.  We'll all go outside and I'll call for help right away.

Marcus:  Follow me.  I'll lead you all to safely.  Cyndi, what's so funny?

Cyndi:  You are.  That is most certainly NOT what happened.

Marcus:  It's the way I remember it.

Cyndi: It's the way you want to remember it.  I saw the whole thing.  Jan was on the phone talking to Mr. Doug. You ran to Jan and tried to get her attention.

Marcus:  It was the noise.  It was very loud and it wouldn't stop.

Cyndi:  Yes, it was loud.  Even Mr. Doug heard it.  He asked Jan, "Is that what I think it is?"  And they both started laughing.  You were so scared you tried to climb on Jan's lap.

Marcus:  I was trying to protect her.  I was sure we had a gas leak.

Cyndi:  We didn't.  You did!  You! That's why they were laughing..

Marcus:  I never! 

Cyndi:  You certainly did.  It wasn't your fault, though.  If you remember, Jan put you on that new vitamin powder.  She was supposed to double the dose for the first two weeks, but after only two days, you scared yourself so silly, she cut you back to the regular dose.

Marcus:  Sunday morning my insides were singing, gurgling, whistling, swishing and just generally whooping it up. 

Cyndi:  We all heard it.  The band was playing at full volume but not in tune.

Marcus:  That was the end of the problem.  I don't like your version, though.  I prefer  mine.

Cyndi:  Of course you do. Not every dog gets to be a -

Marcus:  If you say "stinker", I'll tell Jan who knocked the glass off the washer.

Cyndi:  Hero.  I was going to say "hero".