Monday, December 08, 2014

Dear Santa Paws

Dear Mr. Santa Paws,

We noticed a number of furries around the interwebs have written their Christmas list to you, so we thought we should write one too or you might run out of what we need.

1) We really want all pups and kits to have a home of their own. We'd invite them to move in with us, but Jan said the only way we could fit another furry in here would be over her dead body.  We've seriously considered it, but we need her opposable thumbs to open our canned noms and she's the only poop scooper we have.  Believe it or not, there is a lot of poop to be scooped - at least to hear Jan tell it.

2) There are a lot of homeless humans too.  We sure would like for all of them to have a home and a job and to have a happy 2015.  We would offer to take some into our home, but we have the same problem with humans as with furries. Except for the opposable thumbs and poop scooping dilemmas.  

3) We have been trying hard to learn to tell a joke but we inherited Jan's nonsensical humor.  No one understands our jokes.  Not even us.  So could you bring us each a sense of humor so we can tell a proper joke.  Oh, and you might want to bring Jan two.  She's kind of an old gal with a short memory.  She'll probably lose one in the first thirty minutes.  Come to think of it, you might need to bring her a baker's dozen.

4) Jan wants to learn to draw but she has the talent of a mythical stick figure.  Could you use a little magic and sow some talent in her stocking?  Not the stocking hanging on the fireplace 'cause there isn't one (we have a fireplace that doesn't work, though) but the one she's wearing because she lost the other in the wash. Perhaps she'll absorb some talent through her feet, if she washes them first.

5)  Can you bring a memory for Jan?  Extra Large, please. We've checked every nook and cranny and can't find the one she claims she's lost.  A reconditioned one is okay, as long as it has a lifetime warranty.  (We don't figure she'll need it for more than elebenty twenty-four years.) 

6) As for us, we'll appreciate anything you have left over.  No cauliflower, though.  Steak, eggs, pot roast, chicken ... you know what we like.  But the kitties and woofies in shelters would enjoy these more, so please drop come off on your way to our house.  It's okay if we just get to lick the pan they were cooked in.  (Jan says she'll pass on licking the pan since she is sure Marcus will reach it first and he occasionally forgets poop is NOT a delicacy.)

Well, we think that pretty well takes care of our wants.  We hope you can fill our requests.  If not, please hold onto this list for next year so we won't have to re-type it.

Merry Christmas, Santa Paws!  We hope Mrs. Santa buys you a new hat.  Your old one is looking a bit worn.  Oh, wait, that's Sam's hat that looks worn. Can Sam have your new hat so Jan can wash his old one?

Funny Farmers
Merci, Cyndi, Percy, Cameron, Buddy, Rusty, Sam, Micah & Marcus

33 comments:

  1. Oh guys that is such a sweet list..the cauliflower got me bwahahaahah :) goodness me...we all want furries and peeps to have a happy life..and if we all wish for this maybe one day it will happen...bless your heats I hope Santa brings your wishes to you...and some :) loves Fozziemum xxxx

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  2. Crikey ....... NO SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!!!! You gotta be kidd'n ..... right?? You blokes are hilarious!! I'm with Fozziemum ..... the cauliflower got me too. Way too funny!!!!!

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  3. Lovely Pigmas wishlist you have there!

    Nacho, Noah, Buddy & Basil
    xxxx

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  4. Love this ...especially #5.

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  5. Your list is pretty short so we think Santa will have no problem taking care of it. We think some of it is already taken care of...your jokes are funny already and you have a great sense of humor. If Santa brings Jan a memory would you send him on over our way...Mumsy needs one of those too. Hugs and nose kisses

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  6. We think that is a very fine list, and we hope y'all get all of it.

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  7. Bet he is listening to every word
    Lily & Edward

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  8. That is a great list. We think you are very funny though. we like your sense of humor.

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  9. That list should do the trick gang!

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  10. We think your list is just grand, we loved that you asked for others in needs, and that you are looking after Jan by asking for a new memory. Our mom is starting to have problems wif that a lot also, mom says it cos she has multitasked to much in her lifetime and used up most of her brain cells....Merry Christmas Gang.
    stella rose and momma

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    1. Well, if anyone is in need, it's Jan. If she reads this, she'll probably try to use your mom's reasoning of having used up all her brain cells multitasking. However, we happen to know Jan can barely single task. :)

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  11. Well I think that is fairly comprehensive! Sadly I read this after I posted the cauliflower to you! ;)

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    1. What? You posted us cauliflower? Well, we hope Jan is hungry because she's going to have to eat it all. :)

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  12. Fur not having any real good humor, you sure had all of us in major giggle mode, BOL/MOL!!

    Love this nontraditional listing fur Santa Claws!

    Your den reminds us of ours...the lack of memory, the multitasking challenges, and the poop-scooping...etc...

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  13. What a nice ler to Santa- may all your requests get filled.

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  14. THAT is a fabulous list... we are going to wait to see if Santa Paws brings Jan some more EXTRA LARGE Memory... if he DOES... we will ask him to bring OUR mom the JUMBO Size next year... she could REALLY use THAT.

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  15. We like your list very much, gang. We hope you get everything your hearts desire! But we have to tell you ... WE think you've all got a great sense of humor. You always make US smile, that's for sure!

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  16. That's a lovely list ! And it's not too long, and very realistic : we think that Santa won't have any problem to fulfill it ! Purrs

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  17. guys...yea, if janz dead bodee wuz layin round ewe wood hafta hire sum one ta come in & feed ewe....could get priceee.. sew dont invite any mor guests for awhile ♥♥

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  18. If Santa isn't laughing too hard, I'm sure he will drop something off for y'all. If he can get Jan a memory then Mom wants one too. ♥

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  19. What a wonderful list!!! We are sure you will get everything on it!!
    Smileys!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty and Bilbo

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  20. Good letter guys! We gotta start on ours quick!

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  21. What a great letter to Santa Paws! You all definitely gave me a smile tonight. I hope you get everything on your list!! :)

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  22. That's a great list for Santa. I think he will be very pleased with all of you. He will have to find a lot of memories though because my mum needs one as well.

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  23. You folks are funny, thanks for the chuckle! Great Santa Paws letter!

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  24. We LOVE your list! ...and we think you're all doing just fine in the humor department. We agree on the cauliflower though... it's not to be trusted.
    ; )

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  25. Dat wuz weally cute. Hope yous hav a pawsum Christmas and all yous dweams come twu.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

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  26. Loving your list!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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  27. What a great list efurrybody! We sure hopes Santa takes care of it all.

    Sasha. Sami, & Saku

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  28. That's a wonderful Christmas list for Santa! I think you're all set in the humor department ;-) LOVE the homeless pets & humans on there; I stopped when I saw a homeless man & his adorable, well-behaved dog the other day, and gave them an extra leash, some water, and some cash. Got a bag of dog food today and am keeping it in the car until I see them again. I wish I could do more.

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