Dear Mr. Santa Paws,
We noticed a number of furries around the interwebs have written their Christmas list to you, so we thought we should write one too or you might run out of what we need.
1) We really want all pups and kits to have a home of their own. We'd invite them to move in with us, but Jan said the only way we could fit another furry in here would be over her dead body. We've seriously considered it, but we need her opposable thumbs to open our canned noms and she's the only poop scooper we have. Believe it or not, there is a lot of poop to be scooped - at least to hear Jan tell it.
2) There are a lot of homeless humans too. We sure would like for all of
them to have a home and a job and to have a happy 2015. We would offer
to take some into our home, but we have the same problem with humans as
with furries. Except for the opposable thumbs and poop scooping dilemmas.
3) We have been trying hard to learn to tell a joke but we inherited Jan's nonsensical humor. No one understands our jokes. Not even us. So could you bring us each a sense of humor so we can tell a proper joke. Oh, and you might want to bring Jan two. She's kind of an old gal with a short memory. She'll probably lose one in the first thirty minutes. Come to think of it, you might need to bring her a baker's dozen.
4) Jan wants to learn to draw but she has the talent of a mythical stick figure. Could you use a little magic and sow some talent in her stocking? Not the stocking hanging on the fireplace 'cause there isn't one (we have a fireplace that doesn't work, though) but the one she's wearing because she lost the other in the wash. Perhaps she'll absorb some talent through her feet, if she washes them first.
5) Can you bring a memory for Jan? Extra Large, please. We've checked every nook and cranny and can't find the one she claims she's lost. A reconditioned one is okay, as long as it has a lifetime warranty. (We don't figure she'll need it for more than elebenty twenty-four years.)
6) As for us, we'll appreciate anything you have left over. No cauliflower, though. Steak, eggs, pot roast, chicken ... you know what we like. But the kitties and woofies in shelters would enjoy these more, so please drop come off on your way to our house. It's okay if we just get to lick the pan they were cooked in. (Jan says she'll pass on licking the pan since she is sure Marcus will reach it first and he occasionally forgets poop is NOT a delicacy.)
Well, we think that pretty well takes care of our wants. We hope you can fill our requests. If not, please hold onto this list for next year so we won't have to re-type it.
Merry Christmas, Santa Paws! We hope Mrs. Santa buys you a new hat. Your old one is looking a bit worn. Oh, wait, that's Sam's hat that looks worn. Can Sam have your new hat so Jan can wash his old one?
Merci, Cyndi, Percy, Cameron, Buddy, Rusty, Sam, Micah & Marcus