Wednesday, January 12, 2005

THE TERRIBLE TWO MONTHS


Mr. Buddy and Miss Merci

THE TERRIBLE TWO MONTHS
Copyright 2005 Janice Price

Jan keeps saying I'm in "the terrible twos." Is there such a thing as the "terrible two months?” All I know for sure is that I can’t wait to be an adult so I can do whatever I want to do whenever I feel like doing it.

For now, I have to do what she wants me to do. We don't enjoy the same pastimes. She won’t eat dirt with me or carry my collection of sticks and trash when she makes me go for a walk. She takes Miss Merci and me to visit her brother Mr. Doug. He’s not a sissy. Maybe he’ll eat dirt with me next time we play in his yard.

It’s not like I don’t try to do what she tells me to do. It’s just that she doesn’t tell me to do the right things.

The other night, she told Miss Merci and me that once a month she attends a Bible study in Arizona and we were to be on our best and quietest behavior. We live in Georgia, so this sounded kind of strange to me, but she plugged a headset into something called a speakerphone and tried to ignore us for over an hour.

We were extra good and extra quiet. We didn’t make a peep, for as long as we could. Then we just had to do something to relieve the boredom. We tried to play tug-of-war quietly but that isn’t possible. It isn’t any fun if we can’t growl and bump into furniture. Jan made a lot of faces and did a lot of pointing in our direction, but we must have been good because she didn't yell at us.

Miss Merci tired of the game and went to her den. I went looking for something else to do. Every so often Jan would read out loud from her Bible, which was fun to watch because Mr. Crystal was sleeping on the pages and wouldn't budge. Jan wouldn't pick me up so I could join Mr. Crystal's game, but I found some hidden treats and sat down to indulge in my favorite pastime - eating.

Jan turned around, saw me and went goofy. She started banging on the coffee table, waving things in the air and dancing in place. This was really neat. I sat with my back against the door and munched away as Jan entertained me.

Suddenly, she threw off the headset and raced across the room. I didn't know she could move so fast. She whacked me once on the butt and I yelped in indignation. How dare she interrupt my evening snack! If I had known she liked to eat out of the cat pan too, I would have saved her some of the treats.

I got even with her, though. I waited a little while, then I reached up, snagged the cord to Jan's headset and yanked. The headset popped off and the telephone jumped right into the air and landed upside down on the floor with a bang. Jan leaned down, scrambling to pick up everything.

I sat still, smug in revenge.

"Are you still there?" she said into the air, dropping the phone in her haste. Of course, no one was there.I had just killed the connection.

"We can still hear you," came a tiny, tinny voice from out of nowhere.

Oh, well, the connection wasn't dead, after all. It was time to move on - quickly.

This is Mr. Buddy, Journalist, signing off for the day.

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