Monday, January 31, 2005
THE FUNNY FARM WRITING CLUB, PART 4 OF THE TOMCAT CLUB
Cyndi, Vice president of the Funny Farm Writing Club
THE FUNNY FARM WRITING CLUB
Part four of The Tomcat Club
Copyright 2005 Janice Price
“Okay,” President Crystal begins, looking around the bathtub at the feline members of the club and the two canine heads hanging over the side of the tub, “I hereby call this meeting of the Funny Farm Writing Club to order. “The first order of business is to chastise two of our self-invited members for delaying this meeting for several nights.”
“I thought this meeting was delayed because of the winter ice storm we had this weekend,” Merci says. “We didn’t have any electricity all day Saturday so Percy wouldn’t be able to type the minutes and post them.”
“Don’t be naïve, Merci. We have had to lay low the past few nights because you yelled for us to run when we heard Jan coming during the last meeting and Tweedledumbdumb here raced through the doorway into the living room with his eyes closed and almost knocked Jan down. You weren’t any help. You ran into him and he hit her in the shin again. She’s still limping. Besides,” Cotton adds, “none of us has wanted to leave a warm bed in this weather.”
Buddy is indignant. “I did not run into Jan with my eyes closed. It was dark. If we are going to continue holding these meetings in the bathroom at four in the morning, we need a night light.”
Vice president Cyndi laughs at him. “We can’t have a night light, silly. These meetings are a secret. We’re here to help Jan by writing a fiction story for her writers group meeting, using the word list.”
“Guys,” Treasurer Cameron says firmly, “you need to pay your dues before Buddy eats them again.” All the members turn to glare at him. “Uh, that’s okay. You can pay me after the meeting.”
“Never mind. Let’s get to work,” Crystal says. “Percy, would you read us the word list again?”
Secretary Percy complies. “Church, acorn, undertaker, flight attendant, Goshen, cloudy, meekly, and hope.”
“We defined acorn, flight attendant, hope, church and Goshen during the last meeting,” Crystal reminds them. “Does anyone know what undertaker, cloudy and meekly mean?”
“We did not define church,” Cotton says. “We only defined what is isn’t. It isn’t the rabies clinic.”
“I know what an undertaker is,” Buddy chimes in. “Mr. Doug.”
“What?” Merci is confused.
“An undertaker buries the dead. Jan says when Miss Mother’s dog Shorty died, she brought his body out to Mr. Doug and he buried the dog in his back yard. That makes Mr. Doug an undertaker!” Buddy said, with finality.
“The way I understand it,” Cameron says, “is that people bury the dead in a cemetery and a church should be located near a cemetery –“
“So that means Mr. Doug’s house is a church!” Buddy interrupts.
“I’m glad we finally have that settled,” grumbled Cotton. “Jan is right about this being a funny farm with cracked nuts and fruitcakes surrounding us. Jan and I must be the only ones here with a proper dictionary.”
“Meekly sounds like it must be the opposite of weakly,” Percy suggests, “so it must mean mighty or strong.”
“That sounds good,” Cameron says,” but what does cloudy mean?”
“Cloudy. I think that means there are a lot of cotton balls floating around in the sky,” Merci says. “The sky fills with them just before it rains and when the raindrops hit them, they disappear. Some of them are white as wool, but sometimes they are dark, so they must be recycled.”
Crystal addresses the group. “Okay. Now that we have defined all the words on the list, it’s time to write the story. I heard Jan talking on the phone and she said it can be any length, one sentence or one paragraph, or even a poem. I hope you have all been wearing your thinking caps since our last meeting.”
“I haven’t,” Buddy says.
“I refuse to have my picture taken wearing that big hat again!” Percy looks down at his chest as if he can still see the white hat covering him from neck to toes.
“No, that was a writing hat,” Merci says. “A thinking hat is much smaller, more our size. We won’t look so stupid in one of those.”
“I propose we take a day or two to think this over,” Cyndi suggests. “We can discuss it with each other and bring the best draft to the next meeting. Is that all right with you, Crystal?”
“I think that is a good idea, Cyndi. Everyone, make this a top priority. This is Monday and the story is due Thursday. That doesn’t give us much time to write an intelligent story. If anyone knows where Jan keeps her thinking hats, pick up one for each of us. We need all the help we can get. The next meeting will be held just as soon as we have something to report. Meeting adjourned.” Crystal stomps his paw, in lieu of a gavel.
“Don’t forget to pay your dues on the way out of the bathtub,” Cameron reminds them.
Secretary to the Tomcat Club (scratch that)
Secretary to the Funny Feline Club (no, scratch that too)
Secretary to the Funny Farm Writing Club (ah, that’s it!)