Elephants and Squirrels

Marcus:  Just a second.  I'm looking for another Funny Farmer to help me tell a joke.  Buddy, I need your help.

Buddy:  You want my help to tell a joke?

Marcus:  Yes.  Once there was a football game between two teams of animals.

Buddy:  Two teams of animals.  That's kind of a general description.  Can you be more specific?

Marcus: Yes, a team of big animals and a team of little animals.

Buddy:  Are we talking elephant and squirrel sizes?

Marcus:  It doesn't matter.

Buddy:  So there are elephants and squirrels on the teams?

Marcus:  If you want them on the team, sure.  The first half of the game didn't go well for the little animals.

Buddy:  An elephant stepped on a squirrel?

Marcus:  Not that I know of., but the big animals were winning.

Buddy:  Well, I can understand the big animals winning.  I can just see a little squirrel trying to tackle an elephant.  Or what if the squirrel tried to block the elephant?  No, I can't look!

Marcus:  Stop crying, the squirrel is fine, Buddy.

Buddy:  I'm so relieved.

Marcus:  Things changed during the second half when the centipede showed up and scored so many touchdowns the little animals won the game.

Buddy:  So where was the centipede during the first half of the game?

Marcus:  That's what the chipmunk asked when the game was over.

Buddy:  And what did the centipede say?

Marcus:  He said ... Uh, oh, I forget the punchline.

Buddy:  That doesn't make any sense.

Marcus:  Seriously, Buddy, I've forgotten the punchline.

Cyndi:  That's okay, Marcus.  I read the same joke.  When the chipmunk asked where the centipede was during the first half of the game, the centipede responded, "Put -

Marcus:  "Putting on my shoes!"  

Cyndi:  Well, for one who forgot the punchline, you sure spoiled mine!

A Squirrel Model

Merci:  Hey, look.  Another squirrel that isn't running from us.

Marcus:  He's across the street.

Buddy:  It doesn't matter which side of the street he's on.  This is the deaf section for squirrels.

Marcus:  The deaf section?

Merci:  That's what Jan calls it.  A few years ago we came close to catching a few squirrels because they didn't seem to know we were there until we got so close they could have been dinner.

Buddy:   Jan would even yell at them as we approached and they didn't react, so she called this the deaf section of our walk.

Merci:  The other day we stood and watched this guy across the street.  He sat so still.

Marcus:  Finally, I stomped on Jan's foot and said, What does it take for you to get out your camera?

Buddy:  Even the squirrels know Jan takes photographs. Often unusual photographs.  I mean, who takes pictures down a pipe to check on baby birds?

Merci:  Jan got out her camera and he turned his back to us. 

Marcus:  But when the camera clicked on, he turned and posed for us again.  The only thing wrong with this picture is that I am not in it.

Buddy:  No, the good thing about this picture is that you are not in it.  Not your ears, not your nose, not even an eye.  This picture is a Marcus-free zone.

Marcus:  And so is this room now.  I'm leaving.

Buddy:  Was it something I said?

Paralyzed Squirrel

Percy:  We had a little excitement around here yesterday. 

Cyndi:  Merci, Marcus and Sam were outside barking nonstop.  Buddy was inside barking.

Buddy:  Well, of course, I was inside barking.  You don't think being inside is going to stop me from participating in important canine business, do you?

Micah:  So what were you all barking at?  I was too busy hiding behind the heater until I was sure the thunder boomies had passed for good.

 

Merci:  We were barking at a squirrel hanging onto the neighbor's privacy fence as if his life depended on it.

Rusty:  One of the neighbor dogs was trying to tear the fence down to get to him, so, yeah, his life did depend on it.  

Cameron:  So the squirrel was paralyzed with fright.  Jan didn't think he moved at all, but then she saw the photos and realized he did, but barely.  Just one paw a little to the left or right.

Sam:  Jan came out trying to find what we were carrying on about.  She ran back into the house to grab a camera.  He was so still that for a moment she thought he'd died there and wondered how he still managed to hang on. Then she started at him until he finally blinked. Or winked? 

Marcus:  Right after this Jan fixed breakfast and for the first time since he arrived Micah didn't appear.  She couldn't find him and feared he'd slipped out when she flew in to grab a camera and went out in a downpour calling for Micah.  Percy finally gave him away when he stood on the mantel staring below. 

Percy:  Are you upset with me for giving away your hiding place, Micah?

Micah:  No, not this time.  I was served breakfast behind the space heater.  It was kind of like dining at a fancy restaurant except the view was a bit obstructed. 

Cyndi:  You've never been to a fancy restaurant.  How would you know what it's like?

Micah:  I've seen a few on the internet.  You can see anything on the internet, sometimes whether you want to or not.

Sam, Rusty and Marine Seals

Psst, Sam here with good news about Rusty's occupation of the doghouse. If you remember, Jan wanted to put me in the doghouse because she thinks I was bad.  Then I wanted to push Jan in because she didn't stand on her head to leash us and thus notice Buddy's neck booboo before it got bad.  But Rusty didn't want to share the doghouse because it was unoccupied until he moved in.  He claimed squatter's rights should prevail. 

Buddy, Merci and I don't care a lick about the doghouse and we sure don't want Jan to be able to use it for a jail when we've been bad.  Not that I would ever be bad.  Jan just gets these silly notions.

So first the Nutty Ninja Squirrels showed up to offer assistance and then the Cracked Nut Chipmunk Command arrived to help.  Personally, I think they just came to eat our stash of pecans and tiny acorns  Last installment, Rusty was out of pecans and considering waving the white flag of defeat before the chipmunks and squirrels held a nutless mutiny.

But I'm Rusty's hero.  Yep, I saved his occupation.  Rumpydog commented Rusty should call in the Navy Seals.and get his butt outta there.  That gave me an idea.  I called the Navy Seals.  But they were busy and couldn't make it before April.  So I called the Marine Seals and they waddled right over. 

Yep, thanks to me, the squirrels and chipmunks are gone. Something about they can't stand the overpowering smell of fish. So Rusty has won. The doghouse is now his.

And I'm Rusty's hero.

Cracked Nut Chipmunks

Uh-oh, Rusty's plan to occupy his doghouse seems to have hit a snag.  The Cracked Nut Chipmunk Command heard he has a stash of free pecans and acorns.  They marched into the pen last night to help. (We don't believe the CNCC or the NNS care about his cause.  We think they just came for the freebies.)

Rusty's volunteer troops multiplied and he's now run out of pecans to feed them.  Sounds like he's ready to surrender before he has a mutiny on his paws and he's trapped in his doghouse.

Any of you have a white flag for Rusty to wave?  Or some pecans you'd be willing to donate to his cause?   Rusty has occupied through the wind and rain and without any privacy for his litter pan.

We hope his occupation doesn't end in disaster.  As nutty as Rusty is, we were secretly hoping he would win. 

Voting is open for the 2012 Nimbus Memorial St. Patrick’s Day Photo Contest over at Brian's.  There are two categories, kitty and doggy.  We entered Buddy and Sam in the doggy contest but didn't get a kitty entry made in time for that category.  Be sure to visit Brian and take a look at the entries.  And while you're there, even if you don't vote for our entry, vote.

Nutty Ninja Squirrels

There are pecans and acorns on the ground in the dog pen, so Rusty easily enlisted help from the Nutty Ninja Squirrels to protect his doghouse from invasion.

Sam: That's okay with me. Now Jan can't put me in the doghouse for eating the butter. On the other paw, I won't be able to find out if Jan could fit through the entry.  I wonder if the Nutty Ninjas can be bribed to give her a shove?

Don't forget to send your entry for the 2012 Nimbus Memorial St. Patrick's Day Photo Contest to Brian by 12 noon EDT on Monday, March 12.  Voting will be on Tuesday and Wednesday.  There is a kitty category and a doggy category.  You don't need to have a blog to enter.

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