Sam Proves Buddy Innocent

Hey, Sam here today as Buddy's attorney of record.

Buddy categorically denies all charges leveled against him in Thursday's post. You know the one we posted Thursday before Blogger went down and deleted all posts from that day. When Blogger replaced it yesterday, it was re-dated Friday the 13th. So I am referring to the double-posted accusation that Buddy has been harassing, intimidating, and/or threatening any member of this household, especially Jan!

Here I am with my client with proof of Buddy's innocence. Does he look like a menace to society? (**Buddy, wipe that grin off your face and at least try to look wrongfully accused.**)

Notice the pristine condition of Buddy's new cone collar. Obviously the fraying around the edges is indicative of inferior quality material. If it can't withstand a few hundred thousand collisions in a couple of days, it should be taken off the market. And the scratches? Well, the cashier must have made mince meat of it while ringing it up.

Clearly my client has been falsely accused. He would like to say a few carefully rehearsed words in his own defense.

Buddy: Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you taking my case without recompense since Jan has hidden her empty checkbook and wallet so I can't hire a competent um, I mean, a licensed attorney.

I am completely innocent of deliberately attacking or trying to kill Jan. The reason for the misunderstanding is simple: I am disabled. My reverse gear is broken and my forward has only one speed - high. Yes, Jan had to dance a few dozen times to protect her toes. Yes, I inadvertently rammed her legs a few hundred times, tripped her, and stubbornly pushed one way on the door while she was pushing the other, but all these incidents were the result of my disability. And according to the Canines with Disabilities Act, I can not be discriminated against for being a klutz.

And as to Jan's claim I tried to push her through an unopened window, it's actually her own fault! If she had turned around and come down the step stool forward instead of backward she would have seen me rushing toward her in case she needed help. But, no, she just had to step on my collar.

So, I hope Jan will ask forgiveness for stepping on my head and we can put this behind us.

Sam: Okay, Buddy, I think our case has been sufficiently presented. Thank you all for listening. If any of you would like to start a "Pardon for Buddy" petition or email Jan to remind her of what a gentle, obedient fruitcake ... uh, loyal companion Buddy has been these past 7 years, we would appreciate the support.

Buddy: How did I do, Sam? Do you think think Jan will buy it?

Sam: She's not going to believe a word, Buddy, not a word.