Friday, October 19, 2007

P.S. Miss Pat

Yesterday we said we would post the second half of the message Miss Pat sent us. (You can read the first part here.) This second part is why we decided to forgive her for attempting to cause problems for us with the first half. We don’t know what got into her. She is usually a very nice person. So why she would want to give Jan any rebellious ideas is beyond our comprehension.

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets :
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally -
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Oh, I guess we need to make some corrections to this list too, but only to the last part.

1. Some of us eat less. Buddy eats more.
2. Cameron is always asking for money for the club treasury.
3. Have you ever tried to train a hyperactive bundle of hyperactivity named Buddy? Or a curl up in a ball, don’t kill me, I surrender Merci? Or a tail whomping circus act named Samaritan? Or a
4. We do come when called – if we’re in the mood… if there isn’t anything better on TV….if Jan isn’t being punished.
5. Well, this one is correct. We never ask to drive the car. But we have borrowed it. (Farming Michael Vick Continued)
6 – 8. We hold a perfect record in these three items.
9. We don’t actually want to wear Jan’s clothes, just sleep on them when they are clean and fresh-smelling.
10. We don’t especially want to go to college, but we would like to send Buddy to trade school, perhaps to learn how to properly plumb. (The BMP Plumbing Service)
11. No, Jan can’t sell our offspring. She had us all farmed. (Buddy is Farmed)

(s) The Funny Farm residents

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