Fractured Paw Award Returns

Taylor:  I'm feeling a bit upside down discombootalated.  Could you explain that again?

Merci:  I think you mean discombobulated, bit it makes perfect sense, if you think about it.

Percy:  Yes, We had Jan make this award for our blog back in 2014.  She didn't know we intended to present it to her.  The time has come to bring this award out of retirement.

Marcus:  And you're going to present it to her again?  Her birthday is coming up later this month.  Couldn't we give her flowers instead?

Cyndi:  We could if we had some cash.  This won't cost us anything.

Taylor:  I still don't understand why we would give her a klutz award.

Micah:  To reward her for all those exciting flights and crash landings she's become famous for, not to mention extra chuckles such as the underhanded ball playing that resulted in Jan's finger colliding with Marcus's teeth.

Rusty:  I agree she's is a good source for our humor material.  She does deserve recognition for creative accidents.

Taylor:  What did she do this time?

Micah:  Surely you heard her scream and saw her almost go headfirst down the porch steps Wednesday?

Taylor:  The neighborhood probably heard her,  But what caused that?

Marcus:  It was't me!  I had nothing to do with it!  I wasn't even outside at the time.

Rusty:  We know that, Marcus.  But I'm curious too.  What happened?

Cyndi:  I saw it from the window.  Jan grabbed the railing as she bopped down the steps.

Taylor:  So?

Merci:  So Jan didn't just grab the railing;  she grabbed a wasp on the railing and it stung her finger - twice!

Percy:  Evidently, not only was the pain worse than when she was stung in the arm last year while she was trimming bushes, but when the pain eased, the fingers on that hand itched so fiercely, she couldn't stop scratching for quite a while.

Rusty:  I must have been napping then.  I only knew about the angry wasp that went after her when she tried to let it outside and she whacked it head-on with the glass door.

Taylor:  I think we should present the award to the poor wasps instead of Jan.

Cyndi:  What? Why?

Taylor:  When the branch snapped last year, Jan accidentally hit one so hard with her arm she killed it, though not before it stung her.  For all we know the one on the railing was crushed, even though it managed to sting her twice.  And she cold-cocked another with a door.   Which do you think deserves the award the most - Jan, or the wasps?

This award was first presented to Jan in Fractured Paw Award.  And subsequently in Fractured Musings and two other posts. 

Strange Plumbing Problems

Micah:  Do you think anyone has missed us?

Rusty:  Everyone is so busy very few have probably noticed we've been gone.

Micah:  We're not exactly back yet, but we've had this post half ready to go for several weeks now.

Rusty:  We figure since we can always use a laugh, you might need one too.  Besides, we can never resist telling a story on Jan. 


Knock on door.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?
 
Jan:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

(Note:  We did have a plumbing problem, but our landlord sent someone to fix it two days earlier while Mr. Doug was here working on our computer that Win 10 trashed by putting it into permanent hibernation.)

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones (not his real name).

Jan:  Who's he?

Stranger:  **points to a company van parked on our side street**  From the plumbing company.

Jan:  Who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other a few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you that?

Stranger:  Tom Jones.

Jan:  Who is he?

Stranger:  The plumber.

Jan:  But who told him?

Stranger:  I don't know.

They stared at each other another few seconds.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

Jan:  Who told you ... Wait!  What STREET do you want? 

Stranger:  ** names our house number but side street**

Jan:  **points up the road**  You want that house over there.

Stranger almost ran to truck and the vehicle moved up the street.  Stranger sprinted up the steps.  We could just imagine what happened.

Stranger:  Is this (our house number)?

Tenant:  Yes.

Stranger:  I understand you have plumbing problems.

But this time he had the right house!

Butt Warmer Skillet

Merci:  Aha!  Jan finally caught you hanging out in her little iron skillet.  You are in trouble now!

Micah:  Oh, she's known about this for some time.  She just finally caught it with the camera.

Merci:  Why are you sitting there anyway?

Micah:  It keeps my butt warmer than just sitting on the stove top.

Merci:  But then Jan has to wash the skillet every time she wants to use it  Don't you feel the least bit guilty you're making her do extra work?

Micah:  No, it keeps her out of trouble.

Merci:  In that case, can you find me a step ladder and a slightly larger skillet?  I'm old.  I could use a butt warmer too.


Jan: It will be some time before the Mousebreath interviews can resume.  The only reason we are finally back online is thanks to the kindness and generosity of Mr. Doug. (Thank you!)  All our pictures, data, bookmarks, emails, addresses are on the old computer's hard drive so we don't have anything to work with.  Until Mr. Doug has time to see if he can work some magic, we won't know if they can be retrieved.    

Except for the Hipster Cats and Marg's Animals, we can't remember what cats were on the interview list.

Also, with this hand injury (Razor Sharp Teeth), I'm going to have to stop trying to type unless necessary.  It's just too painful and basically unreadable anyway.  I believe you can read this, bit it's taken a lot of extra time and retyping to make it readable. 

Please be patient with us.


We are joining the Pet Parade hosted by Rascal and Rocco and co-hosted by Bionic Basil and Barking from the Bayou.

Razor Sharp Teeth

Micah: Okay, Marcus, the other Funny Farmers are asking questions.  Start explaining to them. 

Marcus:  Explaining what?

Rusty:  Explaining why Jan is limping around on our new computer which she is far from finished setting up for our convenience.

Marcus:  Oh, that.  I was wondering the same thing myself.  She used to be a touch typist.  Now she can't find the keys and has to keep correcting, correcting, correcting.

Micah:  That's because she has only one and a fraction hands.

Marcus:  Either of you know what happened?

Rusty:  It just so happens I do.  I was taking a sun bath in the dog pen at the time.  You bit her, Marcus!

Marcus:  How can you say that?  I've never bitten anyone in my life!

Rusty:  I saw you do it.  Jan got tired of throwing your ball overhand because it spewed mud (dirt and saliva) on the house siding that she just washed and all over her, including in her face and hair.  She started throwing the ball underhand.

Micah:   Which brought the ball down to your level.  You always turn and run when Jan throws the ball, but this time -

Marcus:  Wait a minute.  You weren't even there!

Micah:  Rusty told me all about it and I also heard Jan talking on the phone..

Rusty:  You're so easily excited.  After a number of throws, you suddenly realized the ball was close enough to grab and instead of turning to run and catch it, you leaped forward.  You did catch the ball when Jan let it loose, but Jan's fingers were still attached and your jaws closed over them.  You scraped some fingers but your razor sharp teeth did a number on one. See?

Marcus:  I did that? Are you sure?

Rusty:  Yes. The dark red is blood.  The orange is iodine.  The injury happened Saturday.  This picture was taken yesterday, Easter Sunday..

Micah:  Why did you think Miss Pat asked Jan if she has forgiven you yet?

Marcus:  I thought is was because I tore the ball into little pieces when Jan suddenly stopped playing and disappeared.  I was bored.

Rusty:  The outside ball wasn't that important.  It was barely held together with duct tape because your teeth are so sharp. 

Marcus:  Jan didn't mention I was responsible for her hand injury,  Do you think she'll ever forgive me? 

Micah:  No!

Rusty:  Oh, stop crying, Marcus!  He was just kidding.  Jan knows it was a freak accident, so there's nothing to forgive.

Micah:  Why don't you go offer to finish setting up the computer so we can get back online? 

Marcus:  What a good idea!  I'll go do that now.

Rusty:  Are you nuts?  Marcus doesn't know the first thing about computers. 

Micah:  No, but Jan needs help typing.  Surely he can't bloody a keyboard!  Or can he?