Saturday, February 26, 2005

BUDDY'S ADVICE FOR PERFECT BED MAKING


Buddy creates another masterpiece.


BUDDY’S ADVICE FOR PERFECT BED MAKING
Copyright 2005 Janice Price

I told my new canine friend Murphy I would vote for him if he’s nominated for the Scruffy Award next year. (See “Mr. Buddy’s Scruffy Award” and “Mr. Buddy Wins the Scruffy Award.”) The competition is stiff and it isn’t easy to win, so I thought I would offer Murphy some advice on how to outshine the competition. That is, if he doesn’t mind advice from someone younger than he is.

Even though I already won this year’s Scruffy Award, I have been working hard to perfect this talent. This way, if Jan decides not to keep me, I can become self-employed and support myself. I hear it’s always a good idea to have a career to fall back on when the chips are down.

Speaking of chips, I wonder if Jan left any crumbs in the kitchen? I’ll be right back.

No, nothing on the floor except dust. She should leave a trail of crumbs on the floor more often and Merci and I would wash the floor for her.

Murphy, my advice to you is if you want to be nominated for next year’s Scruffy Award, you have to practice, practice, practice, nap and eat. Not in that order, of course. Eating should be first on the list. You’ll know when you have it down pat by Mr. Jimmy’s reaction. He’ll be speechless!

And if he has a camera, he’ll take your picture next to your neatly made bed and post it on his web site http://beinggods.blogspot.com/ for everyone to see how proud he is of you. See, Jan has posted the new picture of me sitting next to what’s left of my bed after she made a mess of it.

Jan wasn’t thinking straight. She got a dustpan and broom and started to pick up my neatly arranged bedding, but then the light bulb went on somewhere in her head and she fetched the camera instead. Good choice. If I start my own company, I’ll have to have pictures so others will know how good I am at my job and ask me to teach them to make their beds neatly too.

Merci is in the background trying to appear disinterested, but she’s jealous of all the attention I’m getting because I did such a good job today. I took her pillow apart to find where she hides her stash of snacks but she must have found a new hiding place.

Jan has never won an award because she can’t make a proper bed. She tucks the blankets at the foot of the bed, pulls them over her pillow and tugs out all the wrinkles. The wrinkles are the most attractive part of an award winning bed. She should make her bed the same way I make mine. I pull the blankets into a ball, stomp them by circling round and round on them, toss in some of the cats’ shoelaces (No, they don’t wear shoelaces; they play with them), tuck a half-eaten rawhide bone in the pile, and add some well-chewed toys for color and confusion.

If Jan keeps me – and I think I’ve convinced her she can’t keep this household running smoothly without me – I might teach bed making on a volunteer basis instead of charging for the lessons. Murphy, you don’t live too far away. You could commute for the lessons. I’m sure Mr. Jimmy would lend you his car.

I’m sorry. I’ve digressed. What I want to tell you, Murphy, is that you can’t make an award winning bed unless you’re versatile. You have to have an eye for detail and know how to add color, and don’t ever be afraid to be flamboyant with your style. Always remember, if you don’t catch the judge’s eye right away with a striking design, you will never win the competition. I’ve become an expert at making a bed that catches Jan’s eye right away.

If Mr. Jimmy doesn’t notice your creativity instantly, either you are doing something wrong or Mr. Jimmy needs glasses. It doesn’t matter what you use to fill his glasses (I would suggest water), just keep them handy in case he needs them, although why he would need more than one glass at a time is beyond me. Fortunately, Jan doesn’t need glasses to notice my fancy bed. Perhaps that’s because she’s a klutz and drinks from plastic cups instead.

Murphy, practice until you can make a bed in your sleep. If you have any questions before your first lesson, you can email me at our new funny farm email address.

This is Mr. Buddy, Journalist and Expert Bed Maker, signing off.

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